Oh my gosh!
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January 10th, 2012, 09:55 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Thank you! I am sorry you do not work at your dream school
Today I had my first moment of being a "real" teacher and thinking on the fly, and having my first moment of really feeling for a student.
I am teaching a slam poetry class, and today I showed a poem which talked about suicide. This hits home for me since a friend of mine committed suicide 2 years ago. Well during discussing the poem, a girl started to cry and you can tell she was about to lose it. You can tell something happened in her life where it really hit home and the kids were saying they really liked the poem, but she was sitting there quietly, shaking her head about to lose it. I was about to lose it because seeing her at her breaking point brought me to the edge about my friend. So instead of going on with the lesson and making people talk about the bad feelings, I thought... let kids pick a happy poem and completely divert my plan.... or keep going on and continue with my lesson? I stopped my lesson, looked at her, said "Let's move on, would you like to pick the next poem?" And let her pick the next video. It actually was really good, because it opened up ideas for the next lesson. I went up to her afterward and asked her if she was okay and you can tell she just had this heaviness in her and she didn't want to talk about it, and I felt horrible. We didn't get to the writing I wanted to do at all but it didn't matter... all that mattered to me was making her feel better and in the end, the video she picked ended up opening up a great idea for a lesson. So I hope that makes her feel better.
But I just felt horrible, because while I hurt over my friend, I can deal with it during lessons and content dealing with suicide. But watching her nearly break almost made me break, and it was so hard to keep it together while telling her it was okay to feel that way. I wanted to tell my story about my friend to relate to them... but I knew that if I let myself open up about my friend any more than what I said, I would have broken and would have shut down more than I already did.
Anyways, it was a teaching moment for me that it's okay to end your lesson and move on with an idea from a student, and it was a lesson in compassion for a student. I felt horrible for her, I just wanted to hug her after I watched her break inside. You could tell she was hurting, and it killed me, because I know how it hurts because Ive lost someone to suicide too.
It just hurt me to see her hurt.
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