Adoption pros and cons
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January 18th, 2012, 03:18 PM
Join Date: Aug 2011
We have been TTC on our own and medication for 6 years now. We started thinking about adoption about 2-3 years ago but made it our last resort to try and have a child. This past NOV we took a look at the expenses we had put into treatments and it totaled about $45K which is a lot in 6 years!!!!! So hubby brought up the topic of adoption to me. For many nights I prayed and prayed for a sign. The following week we had a meeting with our RE and he suggested another IVF cycle or maybe surrogate finding. I thought, no if we are doing surrogacy then we would try adoption first. DH brought up adoption and our RE stated he knew of a great adoption agency but would also get some resources sent to us about it. Along with our resource packet from him came a letter of Character for our potential birth mother and copies for each adoption agency he sent information about.
I got the sign I had prayed for.....
We then started interviewing agencies to see if they were a great fit for us and in the process also took an information class about the process from our Dept of Human Services. The information class cost us $20.00 for us as a couple and we got a lot of great information about PRIVATE ADOPTIONS, Agency Infant Adoptions, International, and also the foster care system.
With our resources we narrowed down to two potential agencies and met with them in person a second time. The first agency just wanted to know how long it would take for funds and blah blah. They were more interested in money and the director joked about our age and still having time before we were 45... DO NOT TELL A WOMAN WHO HAS HAD INFERTILITY ISSUES THAT is heading towards 30 not a good age to adopt... SO they were a complete NO for us. The final adoption agency we met with liked we are military but also suggested the Foster Adoption option to us. Now the entire time we are thinking we would do a birth mom adoption. We pretty much had all the underlining qualifications with CPR/First Aid completed. We live on base, have wonderful income/jobs, great benefits, and the correct size home. So we went home and prayed and prayed. The following Monday we called and set up our first appointment to start the process. The director stated, " We all really love you as a couple here at the agency, and we would like to expedite your process because we may have a sibling twin group in your age range ready for their FOREVER HOME!!!!!
So that meeting is next week and we are doing our home study in the entire month of FEB. Our background checks are done, CPR/FIRST Aid training is done.
Information Class from Dept Human Services:
Legal Fees: Base offers free Legal Service but we set back $3000.00 in case we have to go to court for anything.
For myself because DH updated his certification through military in Dec 2011
We decided on the Foster Adoption because of the children already waiting for a forever home. Agency adoptions were looking at being at least the same price of a full IVF cycle, which is about $20K-$25K. Now this is a decision for us and I have read many birth mother adoptions that happened fast and without any hiccups
Now our "Foster" Adoption process is not like Foster parenting. It is actually us adopting a healthy child or sibling group that is already available for adoption. Many times you can foster and then step down the road of adoption once that child's case has been set free for adoption. Our situation means no family members have the right to take them from us once we start the process. Now we do have the preliminary status of Fostering for 6 months after the child or children come home with us. This is basically to see if we all fit together in a home setting. Then at the end of the 6 month "grace" period they are legally ours and take our last name. I do not however know the complete process to have names changed like first names or middle names, OR if that is even an option for an non infant child under the age of 24 months. WE are still looking into that information. That maybe where our legal "funds" will be used, but I do not know.
I know this is long, BUT I hope this helps you
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