My loss story.
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January 25th, 2012, 04:07 AM
Mother and Legal Guardian
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: New Zealand.
When I was 7, my Dad came home from his tour and we all knew something was up. Both he and Mum sat us down in the dining room and began to explain how Mum was sick, very sick with something called gastric cancer. They explained how it was a kind of cancer that was usually detected too late for the doctors to do very much about it, but they were going to try everything they possibly could. I remember how my brother, Greg, just came right out and said, 'Yeah, but how long have you got, Mum?'. It turns out she was only supposed to have another 4 months max, but she fought on and on until the 6th of November 2000. Those months were some of the worst, best, terrifying and sad of my life. I remember how my father couldn't even tell us that she had finally gone to a much better place and the nurse that had been there for us since my sister was diagnosed with APL when I was 2 had to tell my oldest brother what had happenned, but we all knew anyway. We all knew that it was her time. It was 11:37pm on the 6th of November '00 that my mum left us. At 2:12am on the 7th of November, Greg came out and told us he had a daughter, a daughter that bears my mothers name, spirit and passion. Even though my mother is not here with us, I know she was looking over us when as we grew up, fast, from that day, and when we lost Libbs to APL when she was 13. I know she was having a good ole laugh when I defyed years of tradition and entered into a relationship with a prodestant. I know she would have supported my desicion to put the children I was blessed with at age 15 up for adoption. I know she will be protecting Olvia and Alea up there with her. I know she watches as her grandchildren grow and learn to walk, talk and fill our hearts with the laughs of kids who despite the losses we have all suffered they still mannage to put smiles on every single persons face they meet. I know she watches over the boys who fight for our country. I know that she watches as my father tries to forge relationships with women he could never love the same way he did her and I know she wishes he could be truly happy. I know she would have been swearing and screaming black and blue at whoever controls who comes and goes in this world when they took her grandkids mother away from them. I know that she will forever watch over me and protect me. I know she does not want to look me in the eye for a very long time, nor do I to her. When my mother died, she left one intsruction regarding what she wanted on her gravestone. She wanted the following poem inscribed upon it to make us all remember that she's still with us.
Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not here. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight
I an the soft starsthat shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not here. I did not die.
My mother was the most inspiring person I have ever met. She will always be in the hearts of every single person she knew and even more so in the hearts of her children, her husband and her family.
I love you, mum. I miss you, mum.
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