Dawn's TTC #1 Journal
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February 9th, 2012, 08:04 PM
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Green Bay, WI
This afternoon I started feeling pinching in my left ovary which hardly happens, usually it's my right so I hope it's gearing up to O! Prior to my d&c to verify the loss of my baby I had an extensive ultrasound done and I remember the tech having a hard time finding my left ovary. I'm not sure if that means anything but it was not brought up as a concern.
My biggest question I can't get off my mind is, why isn't it happening if it happened once???? The doctor said we shouldn't have any problems if we got pregnant once. This just came back to mind because another girl at work announced her pregnancy. I guess she was NTNP...I am happy for her and she has no idea we are trying so it's not like she knows it's a sentitve subject. I hate days like these!
I also have a friend due in April and she knows about my loss and knows we have been trying but asked if I will visit her in the hospital when she has her baby, of course I said yes but honestly as of right now I don't know if I can. This is going to be her second, she has Ben supportive of my trying but she has no idea of what I have really gone through and how hard it is to be around babies. I am having a very hard time accepting my SIL pregnancy at this point. She announced her pregnancy on Chrsitmas and I balled for like an hour after because I felt that was supposed to be me. It also hurt because they got pregnant on there first try which was on ther honeymoon!
I just don't know how to cope with this anymore and I can't just keep running off balling after people share there news. I have been putting a lot of focus in losing weight and creating a healthier lifestyle but it's just not working although running has been a great stress reliever.
I can't wait for March, on Saturday I will be signing up for my first cake decorating class which starts in March so I hope this will help with getting my mind off trying...
I just needed to vent a little bit today, does anyone else ever have harder days than others?? Usually I get pretty emotional when AF shows but I think this cycle has me a little stressed. I told DH I think it's time to plan a vacation. We both have never been to Florida so we are checking out different places!
Forever missing my angel 2010
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