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August 18th, 2006, 08:18 AM
68rn 68rn is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 371
I know I've been very much MIA lately, but my mood has been down the tubes.. I wasn't even realizing how bad it was until I was getting ready for this conference this past weekend, and I literally couldn't even get myself to pack until 20 minutes before I had to leave.. I just couldn't get out of bed. And then, at my conference, I couldn't focus, I wanted to cry, and after making it through the three days of 9 hour training, all I did was sleep and cry for an entire day. I was such a mess..

So I finally stopped dragging my feet on going to the doctor. I kept telling everyone IRL that "he was on vacation"--well, I knew that his vacation didn't last for like 3 weeks.. I just really didn't want to go. I was just so ashamed.. But I went!!!! I have a prescription for an antidepressant.. I still haven't gotten it filed but at lease I have the script to start when I feel more ready for it.

I haven't gotten AF yet.. It's been almost 7 weeks I think.. I don't think that's normal, but my doctor said to just give it some more time. I think there's a part of me that's trying to hold on to this fantasy that if AF doesn't come, then it means my babies are going to be fine.. I know it's ridiculous, but I just can't let go of the idea of them.. So there's this huge part of me that doesn't want AF to come, but then there's the rational part of me that wants her to come NOW so I can finally make the wonder in my subconscious stop!

I hope that made some sense at least. Thanks for listening to me ramble, and thank you all for being so caring and understanding as I'm going through this really rough patch.
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<span style="font-familyalatino Linotype">"I wish you knew how much you changed all our lives. But I know someday you'll see, if only through heaven's eyes."
I'll always love you, Lori.</span>
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