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March 22nd, 2012, 12:25 PM
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Oklahoma City, OK
Originally Posted by
First off, just let me say how much I love each and every one of you ladies who supported me through my TTC journey. It truly means more than any of you can know. I know most of you know my story, but I'll be happy to share.
DH and I conceived our three boys very easily with no issues...literally first TTC cycles babies. Of course, I'd read TCOYF and had been tracking everything for NFP purposes beforehand.
When we felt we were being led to have a 4th, we thought, ok, here we go! And, assumed this would be just as easy a journey. Boy were we wrong. Cycle after cycle past and BFNs and AF would leave me heartbroken after each one. Finally, DH had a SA done, and just as we thought, his diabetes (which had briefly gotten out of control) had taken it's toll. His count was pretty low. His endocrinologist told us that even though his levels were improved and back under control, that the damage was most likely done in the fertility department and it's rare for diabetics to improve much and, more likely than not, it would continue to deteriorate as time passes. He left DH with the wonderful advice of if you want another, then now's the time to do it. Um, hello???? What did he think we were doing???? He wanted him to get back to him in another SIX cycles if we were unsuccessful, but chose to do nothing to act further.
We then had an appt with my MW the next month who was much more sympathetic. She knew we conceived with no issues the first three times, and agreed there was a cause for concern that we hadn't after 6 months. She diagnosed us with secondary infertility. She suggested that DH go ahead and see a urologist and that if he needed a referral, SHE would write it for him since she had the results from his SA on file and his endo refused to do it yet. She also ordered a HSG for me to look at my tubes. She wasn't too concerned that they were blocked, but said we'd better be safe and check. I'd had three previous c-sections, and there was a slight possibility that scar tissue could've grown over my tubes. She said we'd wait 2cycles after the HSG, and if it hadn't happened, she'd refer me to the RE for an IUI. She didn't feel the need to wait it out and thought we'd be good candidates since our main issue was DH's count.
So, DH sees urologist, who (unhelpfully) told DH the same thing that his endo did. Need to conceive soon because his condition won't get better, but didn't think there should be any immediate action. At this point, I am SO THANKFUL for my MW who was the only one who took us seriously and provided a plan of action.
We put DH on GNC's Energy and Vitality pack for the next couple of months. And, once again AF showed, so I had my HSG. Everything clear and uterus was normal. I can't be sure if it was because of the HSG or not, but I O'd super early that cycle and what do you know???? BFP after 7 cycles, finally our blessing!
Ladies, many of you know the tears I went through and the let down. I was so numb to the process too many times to count. THere were times were I just plain wanted to give up and not continue. Yet, I KNEW that God wouldn't have brought us to this decision and changed both my and DH's heart about adding to our family, only to break it and leave me destitute. I also prayed several times in the midst of heartbreak that if this wasn't going to be to PLEASE take away both DH's and my desire for another. He didn't and I FINALLY submitted to him. The cycle that I had my HSG done, I literally gave up control. I laid it all at God's feet and decided that I'd do whatever we needed to on our end, but that God was sovereign and this is in His hands and His timing, not mine. I agreed to be patient and wait this journey out.
I don't think there's any advice I can give to you that you haven't already heard from me, other than the above. There is a freedom in surrendering control to Him. To know that He loves you, he knows the desires of your heart, and He will not fail you. We can't understand why our journeys have to be so long, painful, and difficult, but we do know that God is behind it all and if we can somehow lay it all at His feet and fully trust Him, that His will will be done. Humanly, there is never enough strength to make it through this long road, it can only come from the Lord. Lean on Him, His wisdom, His strength.
Can I share this with you ladies??? This Psalm is wonderful and a true reminder of God's sovereignty and His love for us. He will keep us, protect us, and get us through everything.
I raise my eyes towards the mountains.
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of Heaven and Earth.
He will not allow your foot to slip,
your protector will not slumber.
Indeed, the Protector of Israel
does not slumber or sleep.
The Lord protect you,
the Lord is a shelter right by your side.
The sun will not strike you by day,
or the moon by night.
The Lord will protect you from all harm,
he will guard your life.
The Lord will protect your coming and going,
both now and forever.
(((Hugs))), ladies. I love you all so much!!!!
Although I was a part of your ttc journey, I am in tears after reading your story. It really hits home for me. This cycle is the cycle I finally released this journey over to God. I just had a revelation that it takes 3 to conceive, DH, myself, and God; and nothing I do will change that. after that I realized that all I need to do is what I am humanly capable of; take my medicine, use my OPKs, temp until O is confirmed, and the rest is God. I have felt such a peace and calmness this cycle. Thank you so much for sharing your story and reminding me that what I am doing, is exacly what needs to be done.
A BIG thank you to *Kiliki* for my beautiful siggy!
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