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March 29th, 2012, 07:35 AM
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Oklahoma City, OK
I wrote this on March 27th, for the TTC Board to tell My TTC story for Mom of the Week. Little did I know that I was already
My TTC Story
DH and I started dating in August of 2007. I proposed to my husband after dating for 2 ˝ years. April 24th 2010, I got to marry my best friend. We decided very early on that we wanted to wait approx. 6 months before TTC. December of 2010 I went to my OB/GYN for a check up before starting our TTC journey. In the midst of our first year of marriage and TTC DD was referred to a genetic specialist. In January of 2011 DD went to her appointment due to some cafe au lait spots on her. Cafe au lait spots are linked to a genetic illness called Neurofibromatosis. This is a very rare, uncurable, intreatable illness that cause mainly benign but can be malignant tumors to grow anywhere on the inside and outside of the body. The genetic specialist referred us to the opthomologist to see if DD had any of these tumors in her eyes. DD went in March 9th (the day after DH birthday) and the dr found 3 tumors in one eye and 2 tumors in the other...
Here I am trying to look brave for my DD who has had every possible thing inserted into her eye. Trying to pretend that this is normal... That doctors do this to normal people all the time.. As the doctor looked into by baby girl’s eyes, made a deep sigh, looked at me and then back at my daughter and nodded his head. I lost it... I had to excuse myself saying "Mommy is just crying ‘cause I have to pee really bad, and I will be right back" I left the exam room and fell to my knees in shock and anger. My brother who was there in the waiting room had to literally help be into a chair.
How is it possible that this little girl, that I almost miscarried twice, and both of us almost died when I was in labor with her, a child who has been through the divorce of her parents, be given such another enormous thing on her plate. Can't this child catch a break?!?
I spoke to my current DH (who btw is more than a dad to DD than her own father is) about the situation and TTC. I didn’t want another child if this genetic illness is carried on my side. I felt responsible for my DD having this illness, and if I had another child knowing that this illness is on my side I definitely would be responsible. It is a 50% chance to pass this illness onto offspring. This illness has the potential to be a deadly illness. It would be like having HIV and choosing to have a child and passing it along... completely in my opinion irresponsible, and I didn’t want to do that to another child. I cant bare to see my DD with this illness let alone another child.
So I went through the genetic screening. I am happy to say that the illness does not run on my side. So DH and I have been TTC for almost 16 months now in total, but TTC for 1 year since we found out I don’t have this illness, and we are having issues conceiving. I am angry about this. I feel like I did the responsible thing, in getting tested and making sure this illness does not run on my side, just to run into road blocks... Can my family not possibly catch a break here?????
With all this being said.... I had been seeing my OB/GYN who was not helpful and a dear friend of mine referred me to her OB/GYN who is wonderful and completely on my side, and even knows what my DD diagnosis is, and understands my concerns.
The OB prescribed prometrium to induce a cycle and clomid to help me ovulate.. I was nervous and excited.... I wished AF would show her ugly face so I can move onto this new cycle with the possibility of conceiving... well… conception did not happen. I have tried everything I can possibly think of. I have tried Preseed, OPKs, Temping, Pineapple Core, soft cups, I take vitamins, I prop up my hips after BD’ing, I stand on my head and do the holey pokey… I mean hey isn’t that what its all about . I am now at the end of my 2nd clomid cycle, and AF is suppose to show on Friday. I want to be hopeful, but am finding it hard. I don’t want to get my hopes up only to have them come crashing down. I am trying to relax, and lean on God to carry me through this. It has been a very long and difficult journey our first 2 years of marriage. But, I am comforted in knowing that if we can make it through these first couple years, through trials that some couples never even face, then we can make it through anything.
This TTC Journey has brought DH and I closer together. My heart always longed for a marriage where DH and I could come together and pray as a couple. With my ex this never happened. I finally got the courage last month to ask DH to start praying as a couple. Now every night before bed we take turns praying together. It is amazing. I feel like there is a unity and bond that comes from praying together. I am also thankful that I have had the wonderful blessing and honor of hosting the TTC Board. I find that it is an opportunity to shine God’s love, comfort, and peace to those that post on our board. What an amazing tool God has given us to be able to speak the good news, edify, and uplift our fellow sister.
The very next evening I found out I was pregnant. God heard my cry and has blessed me and my family. I am convinced that this was an act of God. Literally the only thing we did differently this cycle was pray. We took turns on who would pray each night, but we untied as a couple and prayed, for our parents, our DD, and for God to help us expand our family. Yes, even after BD’ing we still prayed… I am overjoyed that God can be exalted in this.
I just want to encourage everyone.... please take time for yourselves.... relax, ( I know we hate that statement but it helps).... I took me realizing that it takes 3 to conceive a child; Me, DH, and God. I can do everything right, stand on my head the right way, do the hokey pokey, BD the right night, the right way, and not get pregnant. Relaxing does not mean "DO NOTHING", no it means, you do what your suppose to do and once you ovulate, let it go. I still took my Clomid, tried to BD every other night, used OPKs and BD every night of +OPKs, even BD the day I got my first - OPK afterwards, temped to confirm O and once I confirmed that I let it go. My job was done, and it was time for God to do His part.
I pray that each and every single woman here gets a sense of peace, and comfort. I pray that everyone gets their BFPs real soon, and that they are SUPER DUPER STICKY BEANS!!!!
I love you all
A BIG thank you to *Kiliki* for my beautiful siggy!
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