Need some advice
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April 4th, 2012, 01:16 PM
Join Date: Apr 2012
Hi everyone. I am new to this website, but found it from Google. I have read some similar stories to mine but wanted to hear everyone's advice for my own story.
The guy I'm with, I have known for 2 years, but never knew him from a love relationship, just from a friend relationship. We always got a long great and he seemed really laid-back and cool. So we started hanging out and decided we liked eachother so we started dating. Well we've been dating for 4 months now, and I found out I got pregnant almost 2 months AFTER we started dating....not very smart or responsible. I am excited about the pregnancy, but after about a month of being pregnant I really have decided I can't stand being around him and get aggravated at everything he does or says. I understand a lot of people say that it's just the hormones and it'll go away and I thought that at first too, but my feelings haven't changed, they have just grown stronger and I don't act like this towards anyone else. He always has something negative to say (like "I can just see you going out there and leaving me for this guy" or something like that.....something that doesn't even exist) and he has been doing this since the beginning of our relationship, which I NEVER thought he was like that, and then realized he was, but then thought it was something that would pass, but it has only gotten worse. I used to comfort him and tell him I would never do those kinds of things and I'm not like that, but he still doesn't stop and I have warned him the past few months that it's only going to push me away. And everything I say he basically ignores because he's still acting the same.
And now being pregnant, I don't need to deal with the extra stress. I have a lot to worry about. We were living in his parents house in the basement in his room where he thought we would be fine raising the baby in the small room with us, and he doesn't have a job.....he gets disability each month and it's a very small amount. He has his mom pay the majority of his bills. I just never knew all of these things, before I got pregnant and before we got together, and again that was irresponsible on my part. But I am keeping the baby and am very happy and looking forward to it, but don't want to be with him anymore. I tried to leave a few weeks ago and he blocked me in his neighborhood with his car so I couldn't go past him or else I would hit his car, so I had to call the cops to come help, so I already have a police report for that, and then just this past week we got into another huge argument and he was verbally abusing me (well he does that every argument we get into) and I grabbed my purse and decided to leave and he grabbed my purse and my things from my hand and threw them across the room and then pushed me so I couldn't get my stuff and then I was screaming at the top of my lungs because he was acting crazy and his parents didn't even wake up at all (they have a huge fan that makes so much noise you can't hear anything, apparently) and then I tried to grab my phone and he threw it on the ground and completely smashed it into pieces so I tried to run up the stairs to get away from him and get his parents and he grabbed me by the neck of my sweatshirt and pulled me back down the stairs so I couldn't go up there. And kept saying "You can't call nobody. You have no one hear to help you and there's no witnesses, so I don't have to admit to anything" And I was screaming like hyperventilating crying because I was trapped and had no phone and no way to get out for help. I finally just tried to calm down after about 3 hours of him screaming and verbally abusing me because I knew I couldn't get out and so I went to sleep and then in the morning left for work and then my family all found out about from me talking on the phone to my sister in-law crying hysterically at work, and so they wanted me to get my stuff from his house and I haven't seen him since then. (I also didn't report this whole incident to the cops and have been thinking about doing it every single day since it happened and my family told me to, but I didn't listen).
I told him he needs to go to counseling and get help because he is not in the right state of mind, and he needs to get a job, and he keeps telling me he will, but all of this has still not happened, and I am scared for my life and worried if he is going to try and hurt my family or me. He tells me when he's upset that he wishes I never got pregnant and I should have another abortion since I have had previous ones, and calls me a baby killer, and tells me I'm gonna go "f*ck some guy" and he's gonna beat the sh*t out of them if he finds me with someone else. And he also tells me he wants nothing to do with the baby if I am not with him. But then when he's calmer he tells me he was just saying that out of anger and he just doesn't understand why I don't want to be with him and he has treated me so good and my ex's treated me like crap and I wanted to be with them and he doesn't get it. And I'm scared to even tell him I don't want to be with him because I don't know what he's gonna do. He says some threatening things to be and he is a BIG guy. And he's been to jail before for 2nd degree assault (beating up a guy with brass knuckles with spikes because the guy jumped him with his friends at a party). He has only been in 1 relationship before....on and off with this girl for 5 years and I did read some of the letters she wrote to him and he was crazy and controlling with her too. But him and his mom tell me that he's soooo much better with me and has calmed down. But I don't see that very much! And I'm PREGNANT! The ex wasn't! And he put his hands on me WHILE pregnant! Who's to say he won't do it again or do something to hurt the baby? I just don't know what to do, because I know he has been a good guy in the past and he's hurt because I don't want to be with him anymore, but I can't help that my feelings have changed and he needs to understand that and just because he's angry doesn't make ANY of this ok. The baby can still be happy and have a good life. I try and tell him this and he just gets upset. I just don't know if I should let him be at the hospital when the baby's born, if I should get a restraining order against him, if I should report all of this to the cops, if I should put his name on the birth certificate. I have a bunch of people telling me so many different things, I'm just lost. I just don't want to regret anything, but I don't need to feel scared and stressed. I have been way to stressed this whole pregnancy and now not being around him I am so happy and getting so many things done. But then he ruins my day or my mood when he calls or texts me saying these negative things again.
Sorry that this was so long, I just have so much on my mind right now and this is a big decision. Thank you for taking the time to read this and listen to me vent!
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