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You wouldn't think so to watch me or hear me talk. But I'm feeling so detached. I'll be 11 weeks tomorrow. I'm farther than I've ever made it before. I'm pretty sure that I found the heartbeat on the Doppler just before 10 weeks, though I haven’t been able to find it again. I have an appointment with the midwife Thursday morning, just for a heartbeat check. If we can’t find it I’ll probably try to get in to the free clinic in the next town for a quick ultrasound to reassure myself.
But I feel like I’m just waiting for something bad to happen. I’ve been weepy and a little depressed for no good reason. I just realized that I haven’t been posting in my DDC much and that I haven’t made any progress on the nursery decorating that I was so excited for a couple of weeks ago. I realized today that I just might not believe that this is going to happen. I talk about having a baby for Christmas, but it just doesn’t feel real. I just can’t make myself believe that I’m going to get this. I think I’m afraid of hurting even more than the first two times.
I know that everyone here can relate… just wondering if there was some time when it just kind of clicks? When you actually started believing that you were going to be taking a baby home with you?
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