The Journey to #1
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June 25th, 2012, 06:18 AM
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Chicago Area
Thank you for all the kind posts ladies. I am in a really weird place today.... I didn't update much because it was Jasons bday and we are now living with my parents so its a little harder to get alone time if you know what I mean. Jason does not know I'm testing so I've had to kind of sneak it in. I started testing on friday and have taken tests everyday. Yesterday night I had my most promising test:
but then I tested this morning with a FRER and it was a glaring BFN. I know it's not really apples to apples since last night was a IC and today was a FRER but I'm just feeling soooo conflicted emotionally. I know this whole TTC thing is not an exact science but sometimes it feels like there is no rhyme or reason to anything. I want to feel hopeful because I have no AF symptoms - but last period I had none either and I'm not sure if it's because of the D&C.
Also the two other times I was pregnant, once I got a BFP at 11DPO and once not till like 17DPO (2 days after my period was late!).... That cycle (feb) I only tested once the day before my period was due with a FRER and it was negative, then 2 days later i got my first faint positive. I had no idea how many DPO though because we werent trying that cycle.
So basically nothing means anything and I just have to wait. I'm feeling slightly bitter today though. Like seriously I've been through enough with back to back miscarriages- why am I being forced to suffer for this BFP. How can I get multiple evaps? How can nothing have developed by now? How can I have a healthy pregnancy if I can't get a strong line? When will this happen for me? You know, the same thing we all go through from time to time. June marks our year mark of NTNP and it's kind of weird to still have no baby and no pregnancy... Its not even about how long its been or anything like that... I just wish someone could say to me "you WILL have a healthy pregnancy & baby" and then as long as I knew it could happen maybe I could relax more.
Wow I am totally rambling today! Thank you everyone for checking in with me.
Mom to Irish Twins
10 months apart and the loves of my life!
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