Unconditional Parenting Discussion Thread (5/1-8/31)
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July 1st, 2012, 09:23 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Portland, OR
In the article that Shen7 posted, it talked about how intermittent rewards worked better for rats trying to find their way through a maze than consistent rewards. I wonder if this works on people, too. I can see how it would be bad to give a child a reward every time he does something good. This can lead to him expecting to receive something every time he does anything, and refusing to help around the house without getting paid. However, what about every now and then coming home with a new toy and saying "I love how you have been helping around the house lately and I wanted to give you this as a token of my appreciation." Is that also bad? I know in the video I saw, Alphie warned against making things contingent upon good behavior, but in this case there is no dangling it out there as an offering if the behavior is the way I want. It is being offered after the fact.
I also wonder if the same could apply to praise. I can see not using empty praise and not praising constantly. However, what about something like "I noticed that you have been very nice to your little sister lately, and that makes me very happy." I don't see how that could be bad. That just shows that the parent is paying attention to the big stuff.
Mariah, AP Mommy to Juliana
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