Unconditional Parenting Discussion Thread (5/1-8/31)
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July 2nd, 2012, 08:20 AM
Join Date: Aug 2010
Okay I want to dive into the praise thing again
Just because the more I think about it the more anti-praise I feel!
Intermittent rewards is one thing. Like allowance/spending money or gifts. That is cool I think. But praise as the reward or with it is insidious. Think about the difference between these two things:
"I noticed you being nice to your sister lately. That is great of you to do, I am so proud of you for being nice. Here's a new toy for being nice."
"I noticed you being nice to your sister lately. Doesn't she seem happier lately? And mommy has been happier too. Doesn't that feel good? It's nicer for everyone when we all get along, isn't it? I love you." (No toy)
To me the first option is putting the focus on my approval/disapproval and my power to dispense incentives. The second is about discussing social dynamics and drawing attention to the intrinsic rewards of nice behavior. It is a bit subtle but I think a pattern of such things over time would make a difference.
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