Unconditional Parenting Discussion Thread (5/1-8/31)
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July 12th, 2012, 09:17 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Portland, OR
I'm on page 127 out of about 200 pages. I've been thinking a lot about the reading as I overheard various parents interacting with their kids.
The author recommends not using punishment, even if you tell them upfront what the consequences would be. He says/implies that it is bad to see "If you do X, then I will do Y to you". So last night Juliana went to our neighborhood pool and there was a mom there with 3 kids. One of them kept screaming. She told him "If you scream again, you will have to go sit on the side for 5 minutes." That didn't seem that bad to me. If mean, she had already asked him 2 or 3 times to use his nice words and that wasn't working. Was she supposed to just keep asking him over and over? Or maybe she should have frame it as "If you keep screaming, we'll have to go sit on the side away from the other people where we won't bother them if you scream" to make it more of a natural consequence ... but are those things really very different? And what if her other kids were too young for her to go with him, so she had no choice but to make him go by himself? I suppose as long as she explained why he was there and that it was not a banishment, it's ok?
This is so tough. I feel like there is no perfect solution to most of these things. I feel like I'm getting a better since for what is ok but I think there may always have to be some punishment/consequence in order to be an effective parent, just a whole lot less than most parents use.
Mariah, AP Mommy to Juliana
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