Unconditional Parenting Discussion Thread (5/1-8/31)
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July 13th, 2012, 11:15 AM
Join Date: Aug 2010
Originally Posted by
Oh, that's awesome. I think one of the new "rules" of the book club was that we would make sure one of us has read it, or at least has an AP friend who has read it, so that we can make sure not to get any more duds like the Discipline Book. Can you give a short overview? It's ok if you want to wait until you're further along. I think I'll post a thread later so we can vote on the next pick. There are only 2 or 3 including that one that qualify based on the criteria, so if it's not the next pick it will most likely be the one after.
Ok, my next question about Unconditional Parenting is what would Alphie say to his kids when they brought home a perfect report card? Would it be (like his example with the snowflake) "How do you think you did?" I'm guessing so. And that is certainly valuable, but can't I ever say "You've worked very hard and I'm proud of you??" Maybe after asking how they did? I mean, I was a straight-A student and sometimes it seemed like I didn't actually work that hard (like until 7th or 8th grade), so maybe that would have brought about meaningful discussions about how I needed to be in more challenging classes. I do remember thinking school was easy/unchallenging.
Which brings me to his point about grades being unmotivating. I think the good students that can get A's will stop trying once they've done enough for an A because that's as high as a grade as they can get. I do remember being quite motivated by competition, though. Anyway, I am interested in finding a school for Juliana where they don't give grades until 8th grade or so, just because it's unavoidable in college and I think they should be phased in eventually.
Oh good! I will write a short overview when I am done. I think a big reason I love it is because I spent years thinking about Bayes nets and graphical causal models in my research, and the central idea of the book that babies/toddlers/kids are constantly generating hypothetical causal models and then testing them through systematic intervention, BLEW MY MIND. It explains EVERYTHING. I don't know if someone else would react the same way but I will try to explain more in my overview!
As for the grades, I think you're right. I don't think Alphie would want to make a big deal over the grades themselves, but use them to have a discussion about how school is going, whether the kid is bored silly and frustrated as heck (as straight A little me was too!), is having trouble and needs help with study skills or organization, is achieving the grades through much effort and focus and is proud of them, etc. If the latter then it doesn't seem quite as necessary to praise them, does it? Maybe just respond to that with something like "that's great, you ought to be proud. It is great to see your hard work pay off like that. The important thing to me is that you are learning and happy."
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