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July 15th, 2012, 02:38 PM
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There was a lot going into my disordered habits (to start, I was abused sexually by my stepfather for several years, and compulsively ate in an attempt to make myself ugly), but I think the turning moment was one of great shame.

I was fourteen and my mom had paid for me to go to a diet clinic with her that actually gave you appetite suppressants and vitamin shots. I was something like 190lbs and only 5'3" at the time, and I was very tired of the kids in school mooing at me. It was supposed to be all protein for the first week, and, for some reason, she decided to send me to visit my grandparents in another state during that week. Only five days in I snapped and ended up eating like, 12 fudge pop-tarts and a bunch of biscotti (my guest bed was right next to their downstairs pantry). Once the binge had passed, I was so ashamed of myself, and all of the money my mom was wasting on me, I figured that the only way to make things better was to get it back up. It all started from there.

I had a Livejournal blog and very quickly discovered "dieting" groups that molded me into an anorexic with bulimic tendencies and a compulsive exerciser. Nearly eight years later and I'm still trying to figure out how anyone diets away a lot of weight without losing their mind to an ED.
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