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July 15th, 2012, 02:57 PM
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Run_Kat_Run Run_Kat_Run is offline
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I feel like it will always be with me, but the more time passes where I'm actually, truly, happy, the less need I feel to exercise my butt off or to go a month on a week's worth of food. I mean, it made me miserable and sick.

I first went into a recovery program when I was sixteen, and I've relapsed at least once a year ever since, usually when I was losing control of a housing situation or job. What I've noticed is that, as I've gotten older and my friends have grown closer to me, the longer I go between those times that I feel the need to get that control back. I'm lucky enough to have two best friends with histories in anorexia and are mothers now, who are there to help me when I need them, and I think that that helps a great deal.

Stephanie has something, though. It's really hard to let go of something you've had for so long. I went through puberty with an eating disorder, and I'm just now learning how to live without one.

What's pushed me for a long time is knowing that I really wanted to be a mother, and now that I'm going to be one I feel like I've gotten a good kick in the right direction.
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