new here, need marriage advice
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August 16th, 2012, 06:31 PM
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: An American in Melbourne, Australia
Thanks for the reply, and glad to hear it worked out for you.
I think part of the problem is that over time you get into a routine. Life is about getting to work on time, having the kids school clothes clean, what to make for dinner...
We don't spend the time we should making each other happy. My husband plays field hockey, and has 2 games per week plus training. This involves time away from home, and extra money. I think it's great that he has a hobby, I actually organised it for him a few years back. But I have no time for myself. That's not an exaggeration, I really don't do anything I enjoy.
I have no parents or family to babysit for me if I want to do something, my husband would have to watch the kids. If I insisted that he do it, he would. But he doesn't offer, and the few times I have asked he seemed annoyed.
He can be very nice to me and says he loves me, when all is well. But when there is a problem, instead of trying to sort it out he goes into automatic defence mode.
I don't feel special. I don't feel loved. I sometimes think he wants us together because he is a creature of habit, and we have a routine. He provides the income, I do all the housework/childrearing.
If I left because I am not happy, and haven't been for a long time, I am destroying family life for my kids. They seem very happy and love their Dad. My husband and I get them ready for bed and read to them everynight. We take the boys to the movies, and museums, and beach vacations in the summer.
They have a stable, mostly normal home environment. Except that I am unhappy. Do I learn to live with it? Continue to insist that my husband work on the problems? Leave him but ruin my children's stability? I have no idea how to make this kind of decision. I don't have parents I can talk to. No siblings. No one at all, unless I pay for a therapist.
I really don't want to leave. I just want to feel loved by my husband. That's not so much to ask, is it?
A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies. The man who never reads lives only
~ George R. R. Martin
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