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September 16th, 2012, 01:08 PM
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Keakie Keakie is online now
Learning to walk in faith
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Near the land of cream cheese
Posts: 5,336
I realize it doesn't take two people to get a child into the car. I just disagree that if a partner goes along to drop offs or pick ups, it's to "check up on" someone or to intentionally stir up drama. I trust my dh implicitly regardless of what weirdness bm sometimes tries to engage in and have better things to do with my time than look for ways to tick off his ex. Frankly, I think it's a little self-absorbed and indicative of believing you have a lot more significance in your ex's wife's life/ex's life by assuming otherwise.

I go along with my dh because he prefers that I go along with him and there's no reason why going along is a problem for me, and that takes precedence over whether or not bm wants me there. That said, other than some passive aggressive stunts I mentioned in another recent thread, the bm of my dsc has never really complained about my being there when dh picks the kids up (at least not to him) and tends to keep her hissy fits at bay for the couple of minutes we're out of the car during pick up and drop offs. Besides - some of us LIKE spending time with our spouses. If that means keeping him company in the car for 30 minutes each way while we drive to pick up or drop off the kids, so be it. I don't have biochildren I'd be dragging along for the ride. It works for us. It really has absolutely zip to do with bm.

When you're dealing with crazy, SOMETHING is going to set that person off no matter what you do. In our case, she is going to be miserable or find something to complain about/take out on the kids no matter how many self-absorbed whims of hers that we cater to. Ask me how I know; we tried for a year and a half to be considerate of her feelings and put our preferences to the side for the sake of not rocking the boat. The boat gets rocked anyway, because some people are simply bent on creating chaos. So while I appreciate your (needlessly snarky) remarks about -gasp- staying in the car, I really don't think you understand the type of person some of us deal with. She doesn't have BPD. NPD is actually pretty likely, but generally speaking she's just a miserable person with control issues.

We've come to realize that, given this, the best we can do is operate in a way that keeps us emotionally and mentally in tact so that we can counteract the craziness she's going to inevitably dump on the kids.
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