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September 25th, 2012, 06:15 PM
** Mandy **
Join Date: May 2006
I can sympathize with your situation because although it is not exactly the same, I have felt some of the same feelings towards my parents in this area. My dad could care less whether he sees his grandchildren, I think he could care less about their existence to be honest - he just wants to do his own thing so I never ever ask him to do anything - I wouldn't trust him to babysit anyway, I know how inattentive to his own kids he was when he was supposed to watch us on rare occasions. As for my mom, she will watch the girls occasionally if I ask but I feel bad about it because a lot of times it feels like I'm putting her out - and I don't even ask that often - only if it is something important. Sometimes she asks to spend time with both girls or just my oldest but it is always on her terms, sometimes only ending up being an hour or so before she gives some lame excuse like "I need to go and make grandpa dinner" to get back out the door. It is no uncommon to go weeks without her seeing the girls and for my dad, it could be months.
Anyway, I just talked to one of my girlfriends about this because she has a similar situation with her mom not being very involved or helping out at all. My friend said she has just come to terms with the fact that this is just how her mom is, but that luckily she has someone else that is there for her in this area so she just focuses on that and feels lucky for his help and involvement (her step dad). I know I'm not going to change my parents so I just have to accept it. On the other hand, I may say something to my mom about how it comes across that she really doesn't want to help when I ask for her babysitting time and see what she says - maybe I'm misunderstanding her or maybe there is an issue I don't know about that would help me see things from her point of view. All and all, I realize that I just have to accept it if they don't want to be very involved, that they raised their kids and while it would be nice for them to be there for mine, it just might not be. I can tell you this though, I'm going to be one kick-***** grandparent because I'm going to be everything I hoped for them to be.
Sorry if I'm rambling ... to get to the point of advice for you... I would say that you need to have a conversation with your mom about the situation and what she said and find out where she is coming from and how it makes you feel but you need to wait until you can come into the conversation without anger and in a place where you can hear both sides. If you come into it spewing anger it will just be a fight and result in a lot of hurt feelings on both sides and just make things worse instead of better. It sounds like you have a great friend who is there for you in this area and I would be very thankful for her and if your parents can't be there, just be happy that she is. I know I am oversimplifying, emotions run a lot deeper so it isn't as easy as just accepting the situation as it is, but we can't change others just because we want them to be different so we're stuck - either we can hold a grudge which will eat us up, or we can try to come to a place of understanding and acceptance and move on with what we've got.
Best of luck! It is difficult for sure!
Last edited by FamilyShorty; September 25th, 2012 at
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