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October 28th, 2012, 06:50 AM
Learning to walk in faith
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Near the land of cream cheese
Oh, don't get me wrong - I see all of the things pointed out by you , Katie and Patty too. I hardly think they're positive and in the interest of creating a safe family home for EVERYONE. The OP's stepchildren are just as valid family members as her own children, and I see that forgotten on a regular basis. I just know that I butt heads with Doodlebug on a regular basis and she doesn't typically accept or even respond to 90% of what I say to her anyway, so I tried to keep it short.
I will say that one of my dsc in particular sometimes has a problem with rudeness, including with adults, and we've had to address comments about laziness made by said child to my mil on a couple of occasions.
In our case, it's a little easier to handle because a) I really think the child in question is just trying to be funny and doesn't really realize how rude it sounds and b) we have a (IMO) a healthier dynamic overall than the one described by the OP. That isn't to say we're perfect - we're not. That said, I don't think any family is (blended or otherwise). Our priorities are in the right place, though, and I think that helps.
My dh has dealt with heavy depression in the past. For a time, he thought he might be type II bipolar but in recent years that seems to fit him less and less. He doesn't fit the pattern and doesn't meet upwards of 80% of the criteria. His depression was very real, though, and he was still a parent during those times. Sometimes it meant we had to take extra steps during times we had the kids over (for example, I would sometimes handle everyone by myself for about an hour or so while would he would lie down in a quiet room or sometimes it meant guiding everyone to bed 30 minutes early). It isn't an issue currently, but it's happened. I can sympathize with mental illness and with being overwhelmed by normal life stresses. Truly, I can. Sometimes, though, you *will* be overwhelmed, and sometimes you *will* want to just relax and you won't be able to. That's part of the deal with kids.
You have to find ways to make that work within your family (if that means putting a child in front of a movie while you get some quiet time, or if it means asking your partner to take care of things while you take a nap or run out for a coffee). If you do have bipolar, it isn't going to go away. Your responsibilities as a parent (and stepparent) aren't going to go away either, and since you have a tiny one you're in for this job for a long time still. Honestly, I think that what you've said in this post (and in others) that your issues lie with YOUR DH, not his children. I think there's a break in the communication somewhere between you two, and I think that you each feel disrespected by one another so you refuse to cooperate, compromise or help each other out because you're too busy resenting one another. Y'all should be on the same team, and I don't see anyone making an effort to create anything other than an adversarial dynamic between you two, at least when it comes to the kids. I hear A LOT of resentment when you talk about your dh, and that simply isn't a good situation for anyone.
I'll stop there because I think the other ladies have covered everything else well already.
*Excitedly expecting baby girl number two!
Thank you to Babydoll213 for my fabulous siggie!
Last edited by Keakie; October 28th, 2012 at
. Reason: Adding one more thing.
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