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October 28th, 2012, 09:45 AM
Learning to walk in faith
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Near the land of cream cheese
Originally Posted by
To the others that say they or their spouse is bipolar & still manages that's awesome. But I'm sure you're aware the bipolar disorder does not present itself in the same way in each person which is why it's so hard to diagnose & treat. So while you or your spouse can handle certain situations doesn't mean everyone who is bipolar can. So let's be respectful the the OP knows what SHE needs to keep her illness in check.
One of the biggest struggles DH & I used to have was his making plans with his ex, his dds & not including or even informing me. It always messed up my schedule. It isn't about his kids/his house - it's about being partners and respecting your partner. He can't live in a vacuum with his child while ignoring everyone else around him. It's not good for anyone including his child.
Right - and that's why I firmly believe that the problems in Doodlebug's situation stem from the marriage. If her dh knows that downtime is important for her and isn't doing anything to help her get it, that isn't her dsd's fault/she shouldn't be angry with her dsd - she should be addressing it with her dh. If he doesn't know, they need to have a long and honest talk about their needs and how they can help each other be the best parents and partners they can be. I agree that some notice that her dsd was going to be there for the weekend would have been nice - and again, that is a communication problem between her and her dh.
All of these issues - differing affection styles, differing discipline styles, lack of respect in the home, disagreements over the oldest son/stepson - come down to the fact that Doodlebug and her dh are not working together effectively. I can't say whose fault that is because I'm not there and don't see the dynamic first hand, but the side of the story that we do hear is totally indicative of a marriage/communication/mutual respect between partners problem. They don't have to agree on all things parenting (most couples don't) but the total lack of willingness to see it from one another's side (on both of their parts, by the sounds of it) is adversarial and doesn't set either of them up for anything besides a very long battle of wills. She doesn't seem to be open to hearing perspectives that are different from her own, and her dh sounds like he ignores her input.
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