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October 28th, 2012, 11:06 AM
Join Date: May 2011
Originally Posted by
1st let me applaud you for taking your illness seriously and knowing what you need. My ex is bipolar & chose not to manage his illness. He lost everything & my dd lost her bio dad.
To the others that say they or their spouse is bipolar & still manages that's awesome. But I'm sure you're aware the bipolar disorder does not present itself in the same way in each person which is why it's so hard to diagnose & treat. So while you or your spouse can handle certain situations doesn't mean everyone who is bipolar can. So let's be respectful the the OP knows what SHE needs to keep her illness in check.
One of the biggest struggles DH & I used to have was his making plans with his ex, his dds & not including or even informing me. It always messed up my schedule. It isn't about his kids/his house - it's about being partners and respecting your partner. He can't live in a vacuum with his child while ignoring everyone else around him. It's not good for anyone including his child.
THIS is exactly my point. Dh does NOT take care of this child when she's here. I feed her, make her take baths, and everything in between. Even her BM sent me the following text "thank YOU for taking care of my daughter".
In that case, YES dh should clear it w me before bringing her especially after we had a knock out argument the night before. We are on bad rocky grounds right now and I did not want her seeing this again after what happened 2 weeks ago where he called me a C**T in front of her. That's the reason she wasn't allowed here by here bm.
There's a lot I don't post here bc obviously it's embarrassing. And too long to type. I didn't want her witnessing another episode but I'm sure when sd9 saw her dads attitude towards me, her attitude mimicked it. She was NOT joking on the lazy comment and I gave her the benefit of that doubt THREE times by saying "if you're joking, it's still NOT ok" and 3 times she still kept pushing.
I had a breakdown when my 6 year old was a baby. And I definitely know when I need space and I told him. He knew this when we married and he said to let him know. I did. He ignored it.
I'm actually surprised something bigger didn't blow the roof. I manage my issues without medication so that I can breastfeed my baby and have a better closer bond. MY choice. Choosing not to be stuck with a disrespectful child every weekend is my choice too. If he parented her it might be different but are some of you suggesting I should just let him have her here and let her disrespect me all the time even as I'm about to go over the edge?!? (wouldn't that be irresponsible?)
As far as treating my and his kids different...my ds11 asked to stay home this weekend too and I'll quote you the text I sent him "sorry but it's not a good weekend. I'm not feeling well and I need you to be with dad this weekend".
No difference honey! I needed to get myself together.
And no I don't get a break 5 days a week. My husband works 12 to 14 hours a day. I have a very demanding 9 month old. (no complaints) but the weekend is THE only time he's home and not even the whole weekend. That's the only time I have for him to watch baby and allow me rest without kids running in and out and needing everything under the sun.
Twice a month I'm allowed the partial break. (and it's really not even a break since I'm usually also deep cleaning the house while I have help watching baby)
The REASON my exh has my other 2 half the time is bc I agreed to it. For my health, their health and all our well being and relationships.
I believe we all made the choice together and it was in the kids best interest.
I honestly think *I* made the adult choice by saying she shouldn't be here during times that we are having big problems anyway. And then add to it my emotional state. It was irresponsible of him to bring her into the house knowing it was a ticking time bomb here. And I feel like when he's mad at me, she sees that and sees him treat me like crap so as a child does, she joins in and feels it ok. Why not? He won't correct her anyway and she knows it. Her behavior is what he allows and it's not her fault. It's his. But I shouldn't be the victim and be her punching bag or his.
Let me add. Medication made my illness very much worse years ago. Resulted in over medicating and a suicide attempt. I managed by getting therapy and reducing stress and doing everything possible to keep myself at ease and not in a "frenzy".
This has worked for me and breastfeeding or not I wouldn't try medication again bc of the risks and side effects that come with.
No amount of meds will fix dh not parenting and no amount of meds will make me ok with sd9 being rude and inappropriate to me. =\
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