keep the baby or not
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December 19th, 2012, 10:15 AM
Join Date: Dec 2012
Hi, please give me some advise. I'm about 2-4 weeks pregnant. it was an accident, i was on bc, and stopped it for couple weeks becuz my bf and i recently had a huge fight, almost split. I have serious concerns abt having this baby or not. i didn't plan to have baby for another 5 yrs, on the other hand, this is my first baby, i don't want to get rid of it. Im so torn. My biggest concern is whether i can provide a stable home for my baby. i don't want to be single mom. I sort of grew up with single parent (my parents divorced when i was very young, my father loved me, my parents didn't officially spilt until 10 yrs after the divorce) Still, i had so much self-esteem issues, thinking i was inferior and my dad abondant me, my existence was a mistake, etc. none of it is true, i realized it in recent yrs, but growing up i honestly thought that was the case. i didn't have many friends, i was very clingy and jealous, afraid my friends/family will abondant me someday. I try really hard to prove my worth, so ppl who 'left' me will regret what they did. When i encounter small problems in life (didn't do well on an exam), i freak out, my world is crumbling, i hurt ppl who love me the most and sabatage my efforts by making my life more difficult so i can blame my failure on inability.
I gradually grew out of (most of) my bad behaviors, through maturity, therapy, self realization, and my bf, he made me realise the good side in me. I want to have his baby cuz we love ea other, but im afraid if our relationship don't succeed, our baby will go up thinking he/she is not wanted, etc.
my bf and i have been dating for 10 months (going out for almost 1yr). Im 24, he's 26. Throughout our dating, we have been fighting over trust/commitment/marriage issues, broke up abt 4 times. No cheating issues involved, we are loyal to each other. I want to settle down sooner the better aka getting engaged within a yr. He's not ready, thinking it's too fast, and he's too young. I'm not going to have childten in another 4-5 years even after marriage. He tells me how important i am to him, but not sure if im his life partner yet. i don't understand the difference betw the two concepts.
I used to read his email, found out his rant about my marriage pressure on forum, his complains to friends abt me, active dating site subscription(listed as single,but not talking to anyone), secret stash of porn, and habbit of streaming through random girls pic on various social media, etc. Although i have stopped digging his stuff, the damages have been done. I broke up with him or have a serious fight when i find these things. His indecision of acknoledge that he wants to marry me makes me worried that he's just stringing me along. Every time, he didn't want to break up, i walked out on him, leaving him crying and begging me to go back. I went back each time becuz i care abt him, and we do have good chemistry and deep connection. He said the only reason that stops him wanting to marry me is how easily im willing to destroy this relationship by walk out on him if things didn't go my way. I said the only reason I kept walking out on him is he's not willing to commit as much as i do, i can't make him to do anything he doesn't want to, but i can leave him and find another man who is willing to do so. Other than how unstable our relationship is, we are pretty good in all other aspects. preferably no children until we are more established, so we can have more resources for the child's development. But since a baby is underway, our current situation is still doable.
My bf and i both have stable jobs, good education, and decent income. He worked 3 yrs in top notch firms, and i recently graduate from my master, and have been working since Aug. My work hour is long, 50-60 hrs per week min, pay is not high enough given the amount of hrs i put in, but I have to start somewhere. My parents live in the same city, dad is about to retire, mom is a RN working crazy hrs. His parents and family are not in the states (canadians). My bf and i live in the city, super expensive rent and high living cost. we enjoyed our lifestyle, travel everywhere, prepare special occasions, try new things in the city, going to broadway, movies now and then w really good seats,etc. There are so much i want to do career wise. i don't want to be a stay home mom and my bf also believes in dual income.
My bf is more leaning toward not having the baby now, but he will take care of his child if i do decide to keep the baby. even with our baby, he and i will not get married unless he's ready. I am half and half, afraid i won't give the kid a stable home and make both my bf and my life miserable. what should i do? keep or abortion? Absoulely no adoption (no offense intended), if i give birth to my little one, i need to make sure i take care every step of the way.
Thank you very much.
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