I cant take it anymore! I dont know WHAT to do!
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January 18th, 2013, 11:41 AM
Sleepy Rat Rattery
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Phoenix AZ
I dont even know where to begin! I have tears streaming down my face, im shaking from head to toe with fury, hurt, anger, upset, frustration...
I have so many things to vent about I will go one at a time.
My son is 4 years old, just turned 4 at the end of November. In ONE week he has snuck out of his room very very early, before anyone else is awake. YES we have a gate, I even tried putting it upside down. FIRST he went in the bathroom and took the BRAND NEW shampoo and bath soap I got for him, and dumped it all over the floor, counter, his bath toys, his head... filled his cup with it till it bubbled and drank bubbles. The bathroom was a MESS. I have steamed, mopped and scrubbed the floor and its STILL slimy feeling, even though it is DRY. THE NEXT MORNING, AGAIN, he snuck out, made a mess, ate a WEEKS worth of his vitamins in one sitting, found scissors, thank god he didnt hurt himself with them, ate a bunch of cookies, trashed HIS room. TODAY, he did it yet AGAIN!! But THIS time he found ALLLLL the puff paints! He sprayed them all over his carpet, the hall carpet, his play house (thankfully its cardboard), drenched both cats and the dog in paint, a pair of my shoes, and one of my nice sweaters. I had to throw away the shoes and sweater, in my upset and anger I smashed his play house right in front of him and told him well when you break the rules you lose things you like! I had to get on my kneed and scrub the carpets with hot soapy water, my hands and knees are raw from rug burn and i STILL couldnt get it all out. I had to cut as much hair off my SHORT haired cats to try to get the PINK and GREEN and BLACK puff paint off. The dog? I had given her a haircut not too long ago so her hair is really really short! I cant get the green off! I nicked her skin trying and didnt want to risk it again so I just put her down. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO! This kid is destroying my home! I keep having nervous break downs but have to hide it from my husband because he has no idea how mortified, depressed, and angry i am inside! And he wouldnt understand.
My NEXT vent: DH and i have been on a rocky path for a little while. Its an up and down battle. I think both of us feel like the other one doesnt try hard enough. But I feel like im going around in circles trying so hard to make him happy. I love him with all my heart he is all i could ever ask for. But lately I dont feel wanted. He stays up until 5 AM playing video games with his cousin. So I have been going to bed alone every night for the past two weeks. Sometimes he plays the video games all day too! And when hes playing he gets aggressive and very mean. He takes the games too seriously and any time I say anything I get yelled at. But he cant even see how ridiculous he is being about his games! Its like he is a 2 year old who wants his purple car but only has the orange one and wants to scream at everyone. But its usually not like this. It seems like every few months we get this rough patch.
My last vent, for now.
DH and I have been trying for a baby together for over a year without assistance (DS is from a previous relationship, DH is adopting DS this year) I have tried so many natural ways to help conceive. NOTHING helped. Then FINALLY I try something called conceiveasy. Since I heard such great things about it, i get 3 positive tests. I take them to my clinic to get a true positive from my doctor only to find out, OH! By the way Amanda, those tests were all faulty because your not pregnant! A year and almost a half of trying and having a miscarriage last spring the day after a dear friend of ours was killed by his wife, and i get 3 faulty positive tests. I have now gone 3 months with no period, no pregnancy. So NOW I have to start hormone treatments in a week. Because im such a FAILURE at life I cant even produce hormones on my own properly! I cant control my child who thinks its OK to dump paint all over pets and sneak around when people are sleeping and eat a weeks of vitamins in one sitting. I feel like sending my son to his birth father, but if i do that, if i EVER get him back he could come back in a casket! That man is a complete monster! Sometimes I feel like throwing everything in this house around like a **** tornado and destroying everything and storming out and just leaving. Because DH would be better off without me and my terribly behaved 4 year old, who didnt used to be like this. He has always been a complete angel. But this past week its like someone flicked a switch and he is a completely different person. I dont even know my own son anymore! I dont have a job because its hard to work with all my health problems that I already have, so i cant afford to talk to a therapist, and i cant afford insurance right now because we recently lost ours. I cant afford preschool right now for my son, but when we get the settlement from my ex for past due support we can afford it.
I dont know what to do anymore. I feel like everyone can see through me and see what a failure and a joke I am. I have almost no friends, and the ones I have all live in other states who i havent seen in years.
I feel so alone.
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