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January 18th, 2013, 11:43 PM
neefer neefer is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Maryland
Posts: 287
Oh, you are not crazy at all. It is very common to feel that way. Only you know how badly you are feeling, so maybe talking to the doctor might be a good idea. But why don't you try thinking of things differently, and maybe you can pull yourself back up again on your own. Here are some things to consider...

My last baby was a premie (also c-section) and was in the NICU, spent 17 days in the hospital total. And for most of that time DH and I were only allowed to hold her a total of 30 minutes a day. Really took the wind out of my mothering instinct sails! Moms come in all forms...c-section, vaginal birth, premie, and even adoptive moms. None are any more or less of a mother than any others because of it.
Try to see it through your precious boy's eyes. He has no idea whether you pushed him out or if he was taken by the doctor. He looks up at you and you are his whole world...it will never matter to him, not even a little. Your disappointment is normal, just like gender disappointment, and breastfeeding failure, and premie moms coming home from the hospital emptyhanded. In a short amount of time you'll put it in perspective. It's just still fresh in your mind. Becoming a mom is probably the most special time in our lives and we all want it to be like a storybook...but just ask around and you'll see it rarely is.

Sending you hugs, and hoping you can feel better under your own power. But please seek help if you need it. We want you to be the happiest mama you can be!
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