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January 20th, 2013, 09:34 AM
Joanne Nicole's Avatar
Joanne Nicole Joanne Nicole is offline
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Mississauga, Ontario
Posts: 1,032
A couple years ago we were living in Arizona. We were massively in debt, and housing market had tanked so bad that our house was worth 1/3 what we owed on it. Then my husband got laid off his job of 10 years. At that point, we made the decision to move to Ontario to live closer to my family. I never really liked living in the desert and missed my family, and I had missed living where it's green and beautiful, plus free healthcare, better schools, lots of job opportunities, etc. We got going on the immigration process for my husband - which was very costly, and took almost 2 years to complete. While we were waiting for the paperwork to process, my husband found a contract job, and we made the decision to stop paying our mortgage. In the 2 years that we waited, we were lucky enough that the bank never even reported us as having missed a payment. Somehow we fell through the cracks. Because of that, we were able to pay off over $60,000 in debt and even save a little. In the end, we were able to do a short-sale on our house (not quite as hard on your credit rating as a foreclosure) so now we're free and clear.

We moved to Ontario at the beginning of summer last year. My husband was able to find a good job within a month, although he has to commute over an hour, and that's taking a toll on him. We're living in my parent's house, so that we can save up enough money for a down payment on a house. We figure it's going to take us about 3 years of hardcore saving to have enough. It's been difficult living here and I'm becoming more and more disenchanted with the idea of living here. I haven't lived here since I was in my early 20's and I find I have no desire to live in a big city anymore. It's just not as fun as it used to be. And the sprawling suburbs that we're living in now are just depressing. I want to live out in the country, or at least on the outskirts of the city where we can have more space. But my husband has to work in the city.

It's so incredibly expensive to live here, and that makes this really hard. It would cost anywhere from $500,000-$800,000 just to buy a decent detached 3-4 bedroom house here. This seems absolutely astronomical to us, especially since the house we sold in Arizona was a beautiful, new, 3-bedroom home with a huge open floor plan and gorgeous kitchen, and it sold for $89,000. It was so much better than the houses here that cost 5x as much. I guess I'm not feeling homesick in the traditional sense - I don't miss living in Arizona, but I miss my beautiful, spacious home.

On top of that, my dad is incredibly difficult to live with, and I imagine that's just going to get worse when the baby is born. I was looking forward to coming back to all my friends from university and high school, but we're in such different places in our lives. Not a single one of them is married or has kids yet. There was a flurry of invitations to parties and get-togethers when I first moved up here, but as it's become more evident that we have nothing in common anymore, the invitations slowly petered out. So, now I'm pregnant, dealing with depression, friendless, and dealing with a difficult home life.

My husband's mom lives in Ohio, a little ways outside of Cleveland, in a 150 year old house in the country. I had never been there before, but I had it in my head for some reason that Ohio was a backwards, awful place to live. Well, now that we're only 5-6 hours away, we go to visit every few months. And it's so beautiful there! And as far as cost, it's a little more than Arizona but incredibly affordable compared to Ontario. Every time we visit I think, I could totally see myself living here. But then I think about how much work we did to move here, and that we sold everything we own, and my family is here, and the schools are so much better, and on and on and on. I feel like after everything we've done to get here, it would be like admitting failure just to leave again. And as difficult as my dad is to live with, I would really miss him and all the rest of my family if we didn't live here.

I'm not really looking for answers to my problems or anything, I just needed to share with you ladies how I've been feeling lately. I'm sure the winter-blahs are exacerbating my mood, but even before winter the doubts were creeping into my mind.

Thanks for always being there when I need to vent - you guys are the best.
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