Still trying to let reality set in. I dont know how.
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January 26th, 2013, 02:43 PM
Join Date: Jun 2009
On October 28, 2012 our little girl was delivered emergency c/s and lived for 22 days.
The NICU doctors had given us hope after so many days of her survival and almost 0 problems that she had turned a corner and it was almost safe to say she would survive and go home eventually. On Nov 18 we left the NICU to go home at around 10 pm with beaming smiles after the amazing progress she had made. I kissed her on the forehead and told her, "mommy will be back tomorrow". We would have stayed all night if we knew that would be the last time we would see her alive.
On Nov 19th we were preparing to leave to go back. I was pumping to bring milk to the NICU and recieved a phone call urging us to get there ASAP.
We didnt make it in time. She was gone before we returned.
I wanted more then anything to at least hold her as she passed and let her know to not be scared. Mommy and Daddy love you more then anything.
Even in death, she is our baby girl. I know its to soon to be healed completely but I cant seem to find any peace. I miss her so much. I want her back more then anything.
Her birthcertificate arrived AFTER her death certificate. They told us after her death that she had developed an infection from the NICU equipment and her organs all just simultaneously shut down. I am so torn about how to react to that since the people and equipment made to help her in fact did the opposite (I know not deliberately).
Our hearts are breaking. This is just like adding salt to the wound.
I know I need to reach out to someone besides my husband. Hes going through this too and I cant keep bringing it up to him. He is acting as if it was an "unfortunate experience" and lets leave it in the past. Its only been 2 months...how can he be that over it already? My family has all gone back to their regular routines now and seem to act as though its over and done with. I dont want her to be forgotten and I feel like she is going to be now.
Now we are trying to concieve again in hopes that we can heal by bringing a healthy baby home. I hope it happens soon.
Thank you for listening/reading.
RIP Bristol Grace 10/28/12-11/19/12
You're always in our hearts sweet girl
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