Need advice! Off topic...
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February 3rd, 2013, 12:35 PM
Join Date: Jul 2010
Honestly, I think it's a common occurrence after the first child is born. Before they come along, things are split pretty 50-50. Someone does the dishes, someone cooks dinner, someone takes out the trash, etc. It feels that the balance is there and you are partners.
When baby gets here...all the sudden you added 500 tasks to your list and theirs....stayed the same?! Some men aren't like that, but I think far more often they are. And when there isn't talking about it going on, there is resentment building and that is enough to erode the marriage roots.
DH and I struggled a lot Liam's first year. Honestly, his second year was even "eh." But we are so much better now. And a lot of that is that I see a counselor (always have) and have learned to speak my mind so much better. It's not nagging, it's not being a witch-with-a-B...men need to be told "I don't enjoy having all of Ava's needs fall on me. You are capable of taking care of her just as well as I am and I need you to take on more."
I had it out with DH over Thanksgiving this year because he was slacking big time and everything was falling to me, again. And now we are good again. They just need a refresher course on the "expectations" of our partnership. But if you have access to counseling, I absolutely think its a good idea.
Marriage is hard, much harder when kids are in the picture. It takes lot of adjustments and like someone mentioned, we are constantly changing and needing to adapt to our new selves and our partners new self. It's HARD. I really do think that communication is key. Don't stay quiet and let it all fester. It will only make it worse.
Sending big hugs! I am not around here much lately, but had to stop and answer because I did think of a separation a lot toward the end of Liam's first year. But it was well worth staying with it. I remember now why I married him and have small snippets of that "giddy feeling" again that had all but disappeared.
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