Does anyone else feel sorry for people that choose not to have kids?
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February 11th, 2013, 02:32 PM
Join Date: Dec 2012
I don't know why, but when I reconnect with old friends and find out they never had kids, I feel sorry for them. Of course I don't tell them that! It doesn't matter if they are childless by choice, or have a great career, I feel sad for them that they "don't want" something (kids) that they can't possibly understand what its like until having them. Its not that I think they are selfish, I just feel sad that they are missing out on the experience of children, even though its no skin off my nose. I also feel sad that they might reach a point in their life when they regret it, but it will be too late.
Before being a SAHM I was an RN (well I'm still an RN, but I'm home now) and I have had countless elderly patients express to me their sadness, loneliness and their regret for not having kids, especially after their spouse has passed away. I did see this more with women than men. Yes there were some people that were unable to have kids, but it was the ones that made that choice that were remorseful. Even couples that had amazing careers, traveled and lived life to the fullest, expressed as they entered their later years, and peers were welcoming grandkids, they began to regret their solo lifestyle. Because at that time their parent peers have moved passed the "difficult" stage, the stage that non parents don't want to deal with, and now the non parents see "the joys" of parenting grown children. Often, people I talk to, that are choosing not to have kids, are thinking of how they don't have to deal with "little kids", but fail to look ahead to when their kids will be grown.
I'm not saying I have children for my future. Not at all! I enjoy them now, still in diapers, still little, I've always wanted kids. I have a 5 year old, a 2 year old and one on the way. I know that people that don't want kids shouldn't have them, but I always hear the same short sighted reasons, about traveling now, having more money now, being free now...but then I hear all the sadness and regret from my elderly patients. I've never heard someone choose not to have kids and cite reasons beyond the next 5 to 10 years...so I feel sad for them. But again, I don't tell them. I just hope for their sake they aren't telling their nurse in 40 years how they never wanted kids, and now they are sad for their choice.
And all the "things" parents "can't" do (travel, advance careers) they actually can, just before having kids, or after, or with the kids when they are older. DH and I have travels before kids, a few times with kids (yes it was harder!) and have plan of traveling in the coming years when they are older, and of course when they are grown. And DH finished his education before kids. I will continue mine after the kids are older, but got my associate's degree before having kids. So its not like having kids has derailed our entire life. So I feel sad when someone lists these reasons, because I think, they are sacrificing something so special (being a parent) for something that they can still do in their life (travel, career).
I figured since we are all moms, I don't have to deal with someone getting all defensive about this post. And if you have the urge to, please don't bother. I posted this because I think its weird I would feel sad for someone that chose not to have kids, and I'm just wondering if anyone else feels that way? Sad for people that are choosing not to have kids? I mean, its their choice! Its what they want in life. They are happy....for now??
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