If Only I Was Super-women *long*
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February 18th, 2013, 03:49 PM
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: New Hampshire
I am 22 pregnant with my first, Due April 19th, My SO and I live with my parents (he pays rent) Maybe I sound like a slum but I assure you I am not... I don't have my license yet one because I get wicked anxiety when driving and two because my family doesn't seem to want to help me (not saying it's their fault just saying it would be nice to have had my parents take me out for drives more often than once or twice a month) Yet they all make fun of me and b*tch at me for not having it. I feel quite crappy about myself for that reason that I am 22 with no license like wow who really doesn't have their license at this age.
Anyway, I have an online job that I do under the table for a family friend I take care of some of his article sites (tons and tons of people post selling their stuff without fully saying buy this and I go through their stuff making sure they are not duplicates or not good stuff) anyway that money isn't much and it goes twords my student loan that is about 10 grand that the school screwed me over on because they told me the loan place would get a hold of me when it was time to pay... well let's just say the only time they got a hold of me was telling me I was quite late. Great. So I owe more than 10 grand and had to pay consistently to make sure it didn't go any further than a call.
Well I learned I was pregnant in August 2012 (excited yes scared much) It took me about a month to tell my father (my mom already knew and kept her mouth shut although she was not that happy) *side note we had just found out my brothers wife was pregnant as well actually found out a day before I found out I was.. and also a family friend was pregnant as well we were all 6 weeks difference family friend was first, SIL 6 weeks after her and then me 6 weeks after SIL* When I finally told my dad my SO went and barfed as I told him because I wanted it to be less of a scary situation (my dad is not the nicest) and my dad was actually not that bad... he told me the little room next to ours would be the nursery (short lived) ... it was soo nice to get it off my back i told everyone on facebook which was so nice i felt much better
Fast forward a while... It seems my family went from happy, to alright, to does not really care. I would be standing next to my family friend (we will call her L and sister in law B to make it easier) and my mom would go goo goo over L at how cute her belly looks how excited she was for her, my dad would say how excited he was to meet him and he is just so happy, she will be amazing (every mooshy thing you can think of) nothing for me...and then when SIL B came over it was the same thing "aww cute baby belly" "we are sooo happy you are having a baby!" ... nothing for me... actually so far (I am 31 weeks now) the most I have gotten from my parents is that they like the name we picked... that is it... granted I am a bit bigger than the other two so my belly isn't as amazing but it still is there... I can't tell you how many times I cried over this empty feeling this feeling that they just don't care about me.
As of now, things get hairy quite a bit between all of us, which strains me and SO's relationship because he hates seeing them treat me badly... lately has been pretty crappy with my parents (forgot to mention my aunt lives with us as well) My dad tends to lecture me how he wants me to get on every welfare thing I can find... I don't want that because I want to try to make this work without a million state help things... I can see WIC as it will help us but I don't want to go on welfare I am 22 and perfectly capable of working and my SO works all the time.. my father makes me feel quite bad about myself, the way he talks to me and about me hurts makes me feel like a worthless peice of crap, he loves to say " well I work" and " I shouldn't be supporting you, you should be out doing what every other 22 year old is supposed to be doing like working and living on their own" and trust me this is a dubbed down version of how he talks about me, my mom likes to facebook post about my brother and his wife how amazing they are post pictures of them and how amazing they are... nothing of me... I feel like a failure to them. and as things get harder for me to do they get madder when I don't do everything under the sun that I usually do. Like get wood for the wood stoves and keep them going all day... none of them even comment about being excited for me... my dad just goes " no baby crying in this house" or makes crude jokes like that, he took the "nursery" room away made it into a laundry room instead idk why it cant be shared but I guess that's how it is!... my aunt treats me like i am not capable of doing this always downing me when I am holding L's 3 week old baby and not sure what to do when he cries, or how to change a diaper just right yet... it's hard... If only i was super women I could do everything and be everything everyone wants me to be... The only person that treats me right is my SO and I love him for that. We will get a place, we just got behind on money since SO got laid off (he worked with my dad) I am just tired of them treating me like dirt.. I also get yelled at like I am 16 years old for the littlest of things... being here dealing with this makes me resent them wish I just could move away and see them once in a while.... anyway I am done ranting sorry just needed to get it out there!
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