Miranda - Update please!
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March 6th, 2013, 01:25 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2007
I keep forgetting that the people I don't see daily or in person rarely are aware of the fostering aspect of our lives! Sorry!
So, just to catch everyone up...
Back in May we got Ryan, our first foster son. He was 9 and turned 10 in our care. He was originally supposed to be with us just through the summer, but ended up staying until mid December. We thought that getting a kid the same age as one of our kids was going to be easy and oh so convenient. Turns out, we were idiots! lol Ryan was a great kid really. He didn't have any sort of outrageous scary behavior and he wasn't even on any sort of medication (most the kids will be that we foster) but due to the stuff that he'd be subject to he had ZERO self esteem. In fact, it was probably negative zero it was so non existent. Of course we knew to expect this, however being the same age and grade as Hunter just amplified it. Everything was a competition. If Hunter did something great, we found ourselves having to praise him in private- or not at all simply to avoid the full out meltdown that would ensue. And when Ryan did something great, praising him also turned into a meltdown! Quickly we realized that our trainer MAY have known what she was talking about when she was advising us to NOT foster a kid the same age as one of ours..haha. Lessons=learned!
We were sad to see Ryan go, despite all the complete mental exhaustion we were suffering, but also relieved to get a break from it and take that time to spend with our boys. He ended up moving to MN to live with his aunt and uncle who are AWESOME. We still keep in somewhat regular contact with him. We let him lead the correspondence since we don't want to get in the way of any bonding he's doing with his new family. He is doing well now that he's started to get adjusted to another new school, friends, family and climate.
After Ryan left we knew we needed a short break so we went on hold status and agreed to do respite care in the interim. Respite care is basically where we take other family's foster kids for a short time while they get a break. It can be as much as 1 night or 2 weeks. We did respite back at the end of January for 4 siblings who were 3 girls and 1 boy ages 5, 4, 3, and 2. So that made for 6 kids for a weekend. It was fun and sooo exhausting. God bless their foster family! LOL But it was only for a weekend and it was nice to know that even though we aren't providing a foster home right now that we were helping out the parents who so desperately need a break. I never did schedule respite for Ryan and wish I would have. I felt guilty b/c I didn't want it to seem like since he wasn't mine that I could just get away from him whenever I wanted. Stupid! I know now to take full advantage of the opportunity!
Now for our current situation. We are still on hold, however our social worker approached us a little over a month ago about if we would be interested in taking in teenage girls. She has dropped hints all along that she wants to place them with us because she feels like I would be a great mentor for a teen girl. A few months ago I am pretty sure I laughed in her face. However, something changed when she brought up this current 15 year old girl who is a ward of the state and is living in their residential girls home. She has some major issues (emotional behaviors), but has SO much potential if she could find a home that would allow her to make mistakes safely and in a loving environment. Her previous foster home was uber strict and wouldn't allow her any priveleges of being a teen girl even though she was cooperating with their rules and expectations. Because of this she started to act out and they sent her back to the girls home. This happened right before the holidays and so naturally she hit a really low place. Another foster family (they provided respite care for her while she was in the previous placement) has been visiting with her and I believe she's under the assumption that she would be placed with him once she earned her way out of the girls home. AT one point she lost her visiting priveleges but the figured out that her medication needed to be changed/fixed and since then has been doing well and earned her priveleges of visitation back. However, this family has 3 kids of their own, 1 being a 2 month old and now have a teenage boy living with them and so for obvious reasons, this is not a good idea..haha. So currently we are waiting to hear from the other foster family's case worker, the state social worker and the therapist at the girls home on whether or not they want to entertain the idea of sending her to us. Our social worker is going to push hard for it and to my understanding the state social worker is on board too. It just has to be done in a delicate manner so as not the throw the girl back into a tailspin. We are so anxious to hear what is going to happen. I can't explain it but I physically ache for her daily. I haven't even met her yet, but it feels like I'm missing one of my own children. My only answer is it's a God thing. Whereas before the thought of getting a sexually active teenage girl with severe emotional issues would have sent waves of terror through me now there is this insane burning physical longing for her. It's nuts. Some days I feel like I'm certifiably crazy because of it. Even John asks every day if I've heard anything more from our case worker. We've lost it folks!
Another thing about this placement if/when it happens is that it will be her last placement. We are going into this understanding that baring anything catastrophic she will be with us until she ages out at 18, or she can choose to keep herself in the system until she's 21 (because really, what kid is ready for independence at 18 especially with a past like hers). She's also a ward of the state, so adoption is another possibitily with her. If things work and both of us feel like it is somethign we want (both of us meaning us and her) then we will be open to adopting her and making her ours forever.
So, that's it for now! IT's a whole lot of wait and see at this point but we are SO anxious and excited over it. Thanks for asking for an update! And we covet and appreciate any prayers you all might have for us. And also prayers for her that no matter what happens- she gets to a good place and turns out to be a wonderful adult! Thanks!
Edited to add: And as if the foster thing wasn't enough change for 1 year we also bought a new house on 4 acres that needs a whole lot of TLC, found out how much travel was included in the job John started in March (um, a lot), and sent John to Brazil for a 2 week mission trip which required a large financial sacrifice. Oy!
Mom to Hunter (10) and Elijah (5). Wife of 12 years to John. Christian, homesteader, photographer, and blogger.
Last edited by Mommy2Hunter; March 6th, 2013 at
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