Dealing with boyfriend's baggage
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March 13th, 2013, 12:12 AM
Join Date: Mar 2013
I've been dating my boyfriend for almost a year now, and he's an amazing guy. Everything I've always wanted in a man, except for (and I hate to say it), the "baggage" that comes along with him.
I'm a single mom myself, so I know everyone has their own "baggage" going into new relationships (although my son is far from baggage, he's a bonus!). But my boyfriend really is in a different situation. He's been separated for three years now, but his ex is doing everything she can to drag out the divorce. She is also incredibly selfish and has an extreme anger problem--the first time I met her, she lashed out and threatened me in front of the kids and everyone within earshot.
Add to that his son seems to have picked up his mother's anger problem, and has gotten in lots of trouble at school for biting, choking and hitting/kicking other kids out of the blue (and he's only 7!). He's done similar things to my son to the point where my son is scared of him, and I've had to limit the time they spend together.
My boyfriend will discipline his son, but it's usually only in the form of time outs and there are NO consequences for his actions! I've tried to gently bring up the issues with his son, but all he will say is he's a "physical" boy and that "brothers fight" as our boys will do. He thinks it's normal and that my son needs to toughen up and fight back. He seems to be in complete denial about his son's issues.
I just don't know if there is any future here. I don't see how we could look at living together when my son would dread coming home every day, and to be honest, I probably would too as his son is incredibly hard to deal with. He may be more so that way with us as we're the newbies in the picture, but I do know he acts this way at school and with other kids as well.
Is there any way to deal with this, with my boyfriend denying that his son has any sort of problem? Or with the ex coaching her kids/making it virtually impossible to be in the same space as her without her lashing out at me?
I love my boyfriend, but I love my son more and I just want him to be happy, as well as me!
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