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March 13th, 2013, 01:42 PM
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Keakie Keakie is offline
Learning to walk in faith
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Near the land of cream cheese
Posts: 5,586
I would consider the marriage that has not been formally ended and the lack of real help for the this little boy to be "baggage" more so than the fact that the boy exists, personally.

I'm a little confused about the divorce being dragged out for several years. I'm not sure which state your bf is going through, but most will aware divorces after a certain amount of time if it's clear that one party is deliberately refusing to sign. Has he filed paperwork at all, or is he waiting for her to sign something? What stage of the game are they at? Are there lawyers involved?

As far as your bf's son goes, it sounds like he could really use some help. Has he ever been evaluated for behavioural or mental abnormalities? While not all violence is necessarily indicative of a larger problem, chronic outbursts and lack of impulse control most definitely can be, and in those cases proper therapy and (in some cases) medication might be worth exploring. Ruling that out, it sounds like he may have a poor example for anger management and I'm sure that he's having some issues adjusting to life following his parents' separation, especially if she's handling it badly in front of him, in which case some degree of therapy may still be beneficial. While I would certainly ensure that your son is safe too, I would encourage some compassion towards your boyfriend's son too. He sounds like he's hurting.

Unfortunately, if your bf isn't willing to seek that kind of help for his son and the boy's mother is encouraging it, directly or indirectly, there isn't very much that you can do to move things forward for him. I'm sure it's difficult to watch, especially as a parent to your own little boy, but the sad fact of the matter is that these responsibilities lie with his parents.

In a similar vein, you can't really do a whole lot about the fact that the ex is hostile. I would limit how much interaction and shared space time you have with her. You can't really stop her from acting badly, but you can minimize how often you're exposed to it. How does your boyfriend respond when she threatens and causes a scene?
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