Topic: Big Dreams
View Single Post
  #8  
March 16th, 2013, 08:53 AM
alittlelost's Avatar
alittlelost alittlelost is offline
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 6,905
Quote:
Originally Posted by shen7 View Post
but I do think sacrificing some children's comfort/freedom/preferences to help another one achieve more, is to be avoided, it is a recipe for resentment. It sort of sends a message that one child is more important than the others. In my humble opinion.
I agree. Except, then how do you choose? If one kids preference is to stay around friends and another child's preference is to go to the Olympics, you risk one kid resenting the other no matter what you do. That's why I think if it came down to that, we'd have to really try to find a way to make it work for the whole family, but I imagine in a situation like that, for it to be fair to everyone, then EVERYONE would have to make some sacrifices. I'm not in contact with any friends I grew up with. I can't imagine if my parents hadn't moved so I could keep my friends, meanwhile kept my sister from achieving her goals in softball, for example. In the end, meeting her goals have paid off. My "goal" of staying near friends would not have (even if I had stayed put, many of THEM ended up moving anyway!). I couldn't resent her for that (as an adult) but when you're a kid, it's different. Just like it would be hard for her to not achieve her goals just so I wouldn't have to make new friends.

Sometimes there is no perfect solution, though, so you have to look at what is best for everyone overall and everyone has to work together to make the decision benefit everyone involved. If we ended up moving across the country for one child, I would make sure we made it worth it for the other kids, too. And if we ended up staying put for one or more children, I would make sure we made it worth it for the kids who wanted to move for new opportunities. either way, though, I don't think everyone will get their first place choice in a situation like that. Where possible, I hope to be the one to make the most sacrifices in a situation like that. I want all my kids to know I support them fully and that when you love someone as I love them, you're willing to make sacrifices or do things that are "harder". I think it sets a good example for them, so long as it doesn't turn into the world revolving around them (which is something else entirely).

I'd say we're really lucky though (at least so far) because I'm pretty sure our KIDS would be the first one to say "yeah, lets move from my brother/sister can do XYZ!" They get very excited about each other's accomplishments and brag about each other all the time. It was actually my oldest who made me think of all this. He told me his sister should go to the Olympics one day. I told him that is very rare, and to do that you have to go to a special training center. He said we should go to that training center then. BUT he doesn't yet have anything that "ties" him to our current location, so it's different.

I really like having roots, but I'm not sure I'd ever want to feel tied down anywhere anyway. Things come up sometimes, and I'd hate to feel like I'd be "losing everything" to move. I don't want my kids to feel that way, either. I think it's good to love where you are but to also have excitement and positive thinking/hope about what it'd be like to be somewhere else.
__________________
Thank you Jaidynsmum for the beautiful siggy!
Check out the Attachment Parenting Board for Effective Parenting Solutions.
PM me if have questions about autism, TTC gender swaying, natural childbirth, going "vaccine-free", or if you are looking for gentle discipline advice.

Last edited by alittlelost; March 16th, 2013 at 08:57 AM.
Reply With Quote