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March 17th, 2013, 09:38 PM
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This is a little O/T, but since I have been most active here about my pregnancy I decided to update here. I delivered my beautiful baby boy, Ryker Liam Magill on Friday, 3/15 at 10:55 A.M. He weighed 7lbs 14oz, and had a full head of dark hair. I was surprised to see that he looked so much like me, with his daddy's perfect lips and chin. I couldn't believe I was capable of creating something so amazing.

Unfortunately, I did not have the dream water birth I imagined. I labored for a little over 40 hours total, baby was in a bad position and I was having such bad back labor. I stuck it out as long as I could, but after hour 37, I had reached a point of insanity...and I mean that with total honesty. The poor hospital staff had a hard time with me, that's for sure. I finally decided that I was too exhausted to go through with the birth naturally and asked for the Epi. I was, and still am, very disappointed in myself. I feel like I failed, somehow. The epidural actually didn't last that long for me and after an hour I could feel contractions again. I felt most of the transition period, and had an easy time pushing because of the fact that it had worn off mostly by that time.

For the first day, everything was amazing. I was in baby bliss. Nothing could bring me down. We had a difficult time nursing, but on Saturday night he magically knew what to do and latched on perfectly and nursed for a very long time. I was so, so happy.

Sunday, my world came crashing down. I had woken up to my nurse giving me my medicine and decided to try and nurse Ryker since he had woken up. He didn't really want to latch so I decided to have skin-to-skin time with him instead. I was so happy to be laying there with him. But then I began having heart palpitations. I wasn't concerned initially, as I have them frequently, but then decided that I might as well page a nurse since I had the button. So I did, and she brought back the machines. My BP was bottoming out and my pulse was at 245....what?! I had no idea what to do. Before I could say anything, Rapid Response was called to my room.

after machines and needles were hooked up to me, and EKG tests were ran, I became scared. They grabbed Ryker quickly from me, woke DH and said, "your wife is going into cardiac arrest." I only remember the look on his face, and it breaks my heart. I was rushed to ICU faster than I thought possible. They told me they were going to give me a medicine to help the pressure I had.

They didn't tell me that they were giving me adenosine. I was told to breathe, which I couldn't do. I didn't know why. The pressure was gone in my neck but I couldn't draw a breath, I just remember trying to make every noise I could on the bed to let the 7 doctors in front of me know that I was not okay. And then I remember a horrible, terrifying calm. I suddenly became okay with not breathing, and I fainted. I woke up a short while later and was told they had to stop and re-start my heart.

I'm still in the ICU, still heartbroken, and very terrified. I haven't seen my baby since he was taken from my arms and I miss him more than anything. They brought me his blanket and cap so that I could have something of his while I'm up here but all I do is cry. The ICU is no place for a postpartum woman. There are absolutely no accommodations, it's bright, there is no privacy to even pump...and because they can't allow a postpartum woman who has a heart monitor off of ICU, I cannot even visit my baby. I cannot breastfeed him, so he has to be given formula. The worst part is that my insurance will not cover a room for postpartum now. DH and Ryker were kicked out of postpartum, and they had to take Ryker to NICU for jaundice and dehydration.

My head is spinning. Just yesterday morning my world was perfect and I was about to leave the hospital with my new little boy, and now I'm in intense pain, I'm exhausted and I haven't seen my newborn in almost 24 hours. Poor DH is beside himself because he can't see me or the baby until certain times. I'm hooked up to every machine you could think of, being told I have a heart condition that will require extensive monitoring to fix.

I can only hope that this nightmare ends soon. I have this fear that Ryker will forget who I am if I'm away too long. They expect me to stay up here so that I stay calm, yet I'm across the hospital from my sweet baby who needs me. I apologize if this doesn't make much sense...I'm functioning on very little sleep and lots of medication.


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