View Single Post
  #23  
March 28th, 2013, 04:55 PM
jeweluv's Avatar
jeweluv jeweluv is offline
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,395
OMG, this is an amaaazing thread!!! I will pray for you ladies too and will make time to specifically do so!!!! All of you women have such amazing stories and although I know we all feel we never do enough it is because we never can..we are human, but being humble and acknowledging this is HUGE!! Living in a lustful world, it is hard not to get caught up. When ttc, the idea of new life is divine and it really makes you think and delve deep. I TRULY hope all you women get your BFP and SOON! I would love to pray for you all and think that this is a very special post! We shall have fellowship! I have been saved for 2 years and it has been a roller coaster ride, mainly because dh is NOT.

I was saved two years ago but throughout my life, full of some very hard times, I was always drawn to the LORD despite none of my family having faith. At 18 I wandered into a church, common for me to do during off hours, and was recruited so to speak to join an adult program, RCIA, (religious Catholic instruction for adults) I felt some sort of peace and following CHRIST felt right....but, after I met my Jewish husband (after a bad engagement break up) ....I deviated. Part of me wanted to feel united as a family in faith but no matter how hard I tried, CHRIST was in my heart.
I married DH who is Jewish by culture though an atheist (I know; odd) he had two kids from a previous marriage who were 5 and 3 when I came into the picture. I fell in love with ALL of them. We married and have my two girls. As mentioned I was saved two years ago, August 5th 2011 to be exact. DH has not been happy nor supportive and well, actually rather intolerant and mean with my new found faith. I have been asked not to attend church or teach the kids; which I do anyway bc that is not right nor biblical. It has been such a journey and I am so blessed to have found the LORD. Since it has changed my life in every way, I now struggle because I want my children to be raised a different way. I want to homeschool and bring them up Christian. I have always been somewhat of a more progressive or maybe actually, traditional person in that I think children grow up way too fast, our girls are sexualized, our children lack discipline and respect, are over-scheduled, and have too much access to technology. I want my kids to have a long and safe childhood, free to be themselves and not worry about fitting in or having the right shoes. I want them to be able to support themselves but most importantly be GOD loving, compassionate, and well rounded adults...more than I want them to climb the corporate ladder.
I sacrificed a lot when I married dh because I always dreamed of simply being a mom and having like 5 kids of my own. dh already had 2 and we agreed to having only one together. I was na´ve. I begged for 2. I am very active in my step kids lives, the two older, they are with me every other day. His ex happens to be a very cruel person so life is not always easy. The two older kids are allowed to do things I would not support and yet I have to allow for it because that "family" existed before me.
DH is ignorant to faith because of how he was raised. Evolution is a fact to him and Creationism is a fairytale along with a young earth. There are battles on the home front about these things. I pray a lot, but it is hard because I have yet to see him budge or soften.
He is a good man and has a good heart; just a fašade of harshness. He likes to wave his intellect around which is actually the opposite of the person I am. I fell in love with him knowing what was on the inside.
I apologize for the life story.
He has a tendency to have a sharp tongue and has said some very mean things to me in the heat of the moment; which he apologizes for and really doesn't mean. He barely ever changed the girls we had together's, diapers, let me rest, or have personal time ever; despite my hands on with "his" kids. This has created some resentment for it but at the end of the day we are best friends. I simply could not live with not having yet another baby but dh, with us now having 4, did not want it. He barely wanted one more with me nevertheless two, now three. Somehow I convinced him and we compromised that this would be the last one and as a result I would continue to be lenient and forgiving of his really unacceptable outbursts and his sometimes laziness with the kids. This way, at least I would have somewhat fulfilled my adult dreams. Now we are TTC. We literally made the decision on the day I believe I was ovulating and we DTD...so we shall see. I was blessed to conceive my first on the 1st try and 2nd, on the 2nd month. I suffer from severe OCD....though you would never know bc it is in the form of excessive worrying.
I know this will be my last and wanted to hold off to prolong my child bearing years. dh is 45 and I am 30 so he said now or never and that I have til next April to get preg naturally and then he is getting a vasectomy.
I'm so nervous...I want GOD'S will to be done but my head is spinning. What if we don't conceive? What if something is wrong with the baby and dh not being a Christian resents me because I don't believe in abortion? This will be my first pregnancy saved and I am hoping to grow in my faith. I have diligently spend almost every night studying the bible and am so fortunate to have a bff whose father is a pastor and who tutors me via the phone or answers questions. This is all I have right now. I feel so different from dh now....are values are so different in a lot of ways and this hurts me. I love him him with all my heart but it is challenging bc he I closed minded to my faith, homeschooling, and basically anything. I constantly pray for his heart to soften. I'm hoping this TTC journey is short because with all my obsessions already occupying my mind, worrying that something else is off with me will just add on to my normal load. I praise the LORD bc he has given me this opportunity and already blessed me beyond words!
__________________
Make a pregnancy ticker
[SIZE="4"] [SIZE="7"]


Lee and Erica by Jadelm, on Flickr
Reply With Quote