Topic: cold feet
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April 27th, 2013, 06:07 PM
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round2t round2t is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2011
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I feel really guilty writing this or talking about it with anyone because while I already love my baby to bits I cant help but feel I'm having a hard time growing up or that I'm irresponsible.

This is my first and I'm 25 years old so I'm not a young mother, not still in school etc. I've got a good job and a supportive family that also already loves this little girl more than words can express. I think the biggest issue lies with DH. We have been having big problems for months now and it's putting a huge damper on me being able to enjoy my pregnancy and not stress myself out every day... nonstop. To put it simply, we basically just can't stand each other 5 days out of the week. I love him but the last thing I want to do is bring a baby into this kind of situation. It's getting harder and harder to even WANT to try anymore. However, at the same time I cant think of leaving because I'm convinced it's got to get better.

Next. I really miss my old life and friends. I'm not talking about prepregnancy... I mean like years ago. College times. I only think this way once in a long while but when I do it really gets me down for a bit. I miss doing what I want to do when I want to do it and not worrying about everything.

What if I'm not a good mom? I feel horrible because we have had DHs son for a few weeks now (who is wonderful when his dad is around but the second he turns a corner DSS is a monster) and my patience is EXTREMELY thin. I don't want to be like this at all. I feel bad.

I know it sounds like I'm not ready for a kid... and I don't want it to sound like we don't want this baby. I love my daughter and she's not here yet. We tried to get pregnant for 19 months. We PLANNED this miracle. For me to be feeling this was just seems selfish. I think I'm just realizing what a huge commitment this is now.


I'm just really scared please tell me this will pass?
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-MARLA-
Cautiously expecting our 1st!

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