having a hard time aping 2 kids
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April 30th, 2013, 07:24 AM
TTCMA Cheer Captain
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: right of center
(((HUGS))), Mama...it is hard. Claire was 26 months when the twins were born, and I was pretty unprepared for how overwhelming it was in the beginning. I don't know if I have all the answers; I still have days when it is all a little crazy, but it continually gets better.
The suggestion about including Peter in everything is a great one. The older kids love to feel like they are an integral part of caring for the baby, and they love the praise they get for helping! Sometimes Claire liked to help me with the actual babies, and other times she would have her own baby doll and we would take care of the dolly, too. She was very proud to have her OWN baby to change and feed.
It is easy for the older child to feel that he/she has to wait while the baby always gets immediate care. One way to help this is to verbalize to the baby when you are putting Peter first. Of course the baby won't understand, but Peter will. For example, if you are playing catch with Peter and Ted starts to fuss, say something like, " I hear you Ted, and I'll be right there to feed you. Before I do that, though, I need to play catch with Peter 3 more times," or "Ted, right now I am helping Peter put on his shoes. As soon as I am finished, I will come snuggle with you." This helps Peter feel like sometimes he is first on your priority list.
Of course you already know babywearing is huge
Claire and I read a LOT of stories while I was feeding the babies (we still do). She gets some snuggle time and stories and the babies eat...it is a win-win!
I couldn't find a way to safely bedshare with everyone, so the babies took turns sleeping with me (the other slept in a crib next to our bed). It wasn't my AP ideal, but it was the best I could do. That is all you can do...your best!
The biggest piece of advice I can give you (and it takes practice!) is just to not be too hard on yourself. You aren't Superwoman and you don't have 8 arms...there are times when you just can't do everything at once. And that is okay. Your babies are going to feel loved and cared for. Is it different now that there are 2 kids? Yes. But that is okay! It has been fun for me to see Claire become a little more independent since she became a Big Sister...she really takes pride in doing things "all by myself."
Hang in there...you'll find a rhythm and it will keep getting easier!
Melissa & DH
IVF babies Claire (4), Abigail (2) and George (2)
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