Cannot make a decision.....
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May 2nd, 2013, 08:47 AM
Join Date: Apr 2013
So this would be long , my apologies.
I am 33 and I just found out I am pregnant for the 3rd time , and we already have 2 kids , 7 and 4 year old.
This wasn`t planned and obviously is a huge shock to us.
Although we always talked about no.3 in 2-3 years time,when things are worked out with loans and residential situation.
Surprisingly my husband is very happy about this pregnancy and wants to keep the baby.
Unlike me , freaking out about our lives and financial situation.
I have been thinking about abortion obviously,but can`t quite see myself going through it, although can`t see myself pregnant again and giving birth again and managing 3 kids.
1. We both lost our full time jobs in sept 2012, and tried to survive on some occasional part time projects.
2.After 8 months we both finally got offers on full time job.He will start beginning of May, and I will begin on 1st of June.
3.We took a loan, back in beginning of 2012, when things were ok,to buy a new bigger car for the whole family, and having my future salary means paying the loan within 8-9 months instead of planned 3 more years.
4.We don`t own a house or apartment and living with my mother-in -law , since we can`t afford rent.
She does have a very big apartment and we have more or less enough space, and our relationship with her is good.
Having both of our jobs secured and getting 2 salaries per month, means we pay up the loan , and move out to rent an apartment, and hopefully in the future apply for mortgage to buy our own place.
I am scared that if I tell my future employers about my pregnancy, they will not hire me anymore , I did not sign a contract yet , and the biggest concern is that it is a completely new pre school, which means they would require full on energy and probably no excuses to leave early for let`s say doctor`s appt.
Maybe if I signed contract before I knew I was pregnant this would be easier ?
The place where we live doesn`t allow abortions, unless it is advised by doctor and there is an immediate danger to mother`s health or something is wrong with baby`s development.
Since it is illegal and there are some cases of doctor`s and women went to jail up to 3 years,
the only solution was to go another country/region, cross the border by ferry.
We went to Family Planning Association and I can`t believe but we did start a process of check ups,
The process of approving a person for abortion is not easy, it takes up to 2-3 weeks ,minimum 3 appt.s They take the whole thing seriously so having all that time actually makes you either rethink the decision or confirm it.
So far we went for 2 appt and next date is 8th of May, which means it could be the day when they give me the 1st pill part of medical abortion, and then 2 days later 2nd.
Every time we went there I cried so much and just kept telling myself I can still change my mind.
The whole medical abortion is not cheap, its going to cost us a lot.
But if we both work , within 2 months we will be fine and sort out the finances.
Not working for so long means quite a few payments have accumulated , but it could all work out if I have my full time job with very good salary, which I keep the pregnancy might not happen.
It`s been 2 weeks since that positive test results, and I have been jumping from 1 decision to another.
In the past few days I think I came to realize we can do this , but today I freaked out about the money and thought we can`t afford to have another child.
Thinking about abortion and going to those 2 appt makes me almost 100 % sure that I will regret abortion almost immediately, or it will hunt me for the rest of my life.
The saddest part even though my husband and I were talking about no.3 in 2 or 3 years, now he is saying that if we don`t do it this time, he most surely doesn`t want to go for no.3 in 2 years, cause he`ll be 40 this year and afraid in 2 years he won`t manage physically and mentally.
I just don`t know what to do.
I am driving myself crazy.
Any opinions or maybe similar experiences would be appreciated.
P.S. I am 5 weeks pregnant and have only few days to make a decision, next appt for abortion approval is in 5 days!
Thank you in advance.
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