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May 11th, 2013, 06:41 PM
Scared and Confused 777 Scared and Confused 777 is offline
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Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 1
I just found out that I am about four weeks pregnant and I am terrified. I am terrified that I will make the wrong choice, even though I guess maybe there really is no right or wrong choice.

I am going to be 37 years old in a little over a week. I have one child. She is graduating high school in less than two weeks and she will be 18 in August. I never thought I would be in this situation. My daughter was unplanned and raising her wasn't ideal. After her father and I separated, he touched her inappropriately and she no longer has contact with him. I always hoped I would be married and sometimes wondered if I would ever have another child. I was in another relationship some months after ending an almost 12 year relationship with my daughter's father. I dated my ex for almost 6 years and then finally called it quits. Our relationship was far from healthy and very verbally abusive. He was always commenting on other women and staying out all hours of the night. I caught him with other women, but never actually caught him cheating. When I finally left him I had a lot of self esteem issues and was afraid I would never date again. I had a lot of trust issues as well, and I was afraid I would just get my heart broken. I was single for almost five months when I started talking to someone that I knew from my school days. We went to junior high together, but at the same time I didn't know him very well and is HAS been along time. He had been trying to get me to talk to him and agree to spend time with him for months, but I kept turning him down. I still had a lot of wounds from my past two relationships and wasn't ready to date or trust anyone. I was also afraid that this man from my past was a player. I finally let my guard down a couple of months ago and we started talking and texting on a daily basis. We even video chatted online. We met in person on four separate occasions. He said all of the right things that I wanted so badly to hear. Then the bubble burst. I saw something on Facebook that didn't seem right to me. I tried to call him with no success. My insecurities got the best of me and I contacted the female that raised my suspicions. She told me that she had just been with him that weekend and that they had also had sex. He had just been with me the first part of the week prior to that. Sunday night through Wednesday afternoon. I felt sick to my stomach. Of course he denied it. After I confronted her I went home and took a pregnancy test. It was positive. I've since gone to the doctor and they confirmed it. I don't know what to do. I have a good job, but I also have bills so I'm ok but things will get tight with a newborn. I feel so alone. My only child is practically an adult. Can I really start all over?? By myself??? Emotionally I'm not in a good state. I'm still having a hard time dealing with the end of my last relationship, which led me to make the poor choices I've recently made. And now I don't know if I can trust or believe the man that I am pregnant by. We live 4 hours away from each other. My mother also lives 4 hours away and will soon be moving over 7 hours away. I have no family where I live and few close friends. I am terrified. And the man that I am pregnant by is also mixed, not that it matters so much nowadays, but a lot of my family members look down on that sort of thing. They treated me like dirt when I was pregnant the first time, because I wasn't married. I have a large family and only one of my Aunt's came to my baby shower. This same aunt is the only one who came to see me when my daughter was born. I feel so alone and so ashamed. Having a baby should be the happiest time in a person's life and I'm terrified. I don't know if I can go through with having this baby, but I don't know if I can go through with an abortion either. Any words of advice would be greatly appreciated.
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