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May 14th, 2013, 03:07 AM
LucyAnna LucyAnna is offline
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Red Stick, Louisiana
Posts: 2,238
(sorry this turned into a novel)
I think when I first came back to this board, I mentioned that I care for my mother. My father died of cancer almost 6 years ago, when I was 26. Since then, my mom and I have grown increasingly close and back in the fall she too was diagnosised with cancer. Both her and my father didnt get a "normal" clinical cancer. My dads was and still is extremely rare and for my mom, even the Mayo Clinic (the best place to go for cancer) couldnt figure out what kind of cancer it was. But I have pushed for the best care, changed her drs, scheduled her appts, taken her to every appt except 2 or 3 chemo appts, but besides her cancer dealings, I call her atleast 2-3 times a day...every day. She lives an hour from me, but I make sure she is at everything she wants to be at (i have other siblings, none of which who live close enough to help, or just dont want to help)I do whatever I can to "take care" of her, as I promised my daddy I would.
Fast forward to present day- I ended up taking my mom to the ER for pain. (her tumor at her last PET scan was an amazing 15 cms-think 1.5 times a babys head. My mother is tiny 116# now, so only imagine this large protusion we have been dealing with.) She had a PET and CT done last week and we were to go to her oncologist friday for results. Well needless to say when she was inthe er, they requested her scans ahead of our appt. Her oncologist was not in town, so I only had the er dr to consult in, but after she spoke with my mom, she pulled me aside and asked "do you know just how bad this is?" I explained we havent seen the results, so not really. She proceeded to tell me the finding of her scan- it was done comparatively so any dr could look at it and see any progression. The cancer has aggressively been spreading-even with a pretty intense 12w of chemo. All of her spots have grown, plus a new very large (6cm) spot on her liver. At this point, its bascially every where (that my interepetation of reading her scans- for someone with no medical background, I spent alot of time googling words found in her results and figured out whats going on, last night. We still have her appt friday for the official reading of the results, but I am preparing for the worst possible news---hospice. We did this my dad and I swore I never wanted to watch a parent go through this.
So with all that being said...today is cd 28, I am pretty regular 28 day cycle. I tested again this morning and my tiny little faint evaporated after only a few minutes. I have a raging headache, so i wanted to test before I took anything. Im 99.9% sure, I am going to call my dr and take a break. even though we are in the 1st month. i really wanted to hit it hard this round. but even if i do get a BFP next month, I know the stress I am about to undergo is going to be too much for me...much less my baby. I want to spend every possible minute with her. and we all know how time consuming this process it. I would hate to get PG, only to miscarry because of the stress...We dont have that kind of money.
Anyways, im so sorry for this incredibly long message. My DH is away with business and I had no one else---especially at 4 in the morning to vent too.
This might be my last message here...for a bit...or it might not be...i might need a mental break from all the craziness IRL, and lll probably venture over. I know that by the time I get back there WILL be lots of BFP and Lots new of faces/screen names. I wish you all the very best of luck. And I hope to see you all in the JM world soon!
(ps my edd would have been 2 days past my moms bday this cycle.... )
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Held my beautiful Little GIRL 9/24/2010

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