Rules, boundaries, and discipline?
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May 17th, 2013, 10:57 AM
breathing for two
Join Date: Oct 2009
Obviously, this is something you'll have to figure out for yourself for the most part, but hopefully a few of us will be able to give you some ideas.
I really really struggled with setting boundaries for Eliana, she's on the autism spectrum, and still non-verbal, though she was much worse before we started with early intervention. I will say that setting boundaries for her seemed to be a relief. She knows where (most) lines are, and she likes to keep things peaceful and non-confrontational.
One thing that helped me was saying "no, don't do x" the first time (I tried to phase out of saying no, but it comes anyways, so I use it this way) if she doesn't listen I'll ask her to do something specific it could be "instead of that let's do this" or "hold my hand so you can stay safe" or "keep your feet on the floor" simple requests that stop the behaviour. If that doesn't work I say "mommy will help you" and I physically bring her from one place to the next.
It seems complicated, but it's pretty easy, and it's simple enough to be understood. And it's worked for me so far. When they're older I plan to talk to them more about the results of their actions, like how it makes someone feel, and asking them if they know of a way to sooth any hurts caused.
But I think this is good for a toddler level.
She gets so overwhelmed in public places so I can't help you much there. It might be a good idea to keep snacks and a bottle of water in your purse if you think it might happen. If I'm by myself and out I'll pack some treats and give her little bits at a time until we're back somewhere safe.
I think that there's no way to get a perfectly behaved child, but if you show them the boundaries and teach them about them, it might help immensely. And it might have nothing to do with you! But it can't hurt to teach.
breathing for two
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