I am tired of feeling alone. *venting*
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May 25th, 2013, 02:27 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2011
R E L A X.
Everyone keeps telling me to make sure I relax, because now is a cruical time for relaxtion, i'm 10 weeks ago.
I can't seem to relax, I've had an ongoing anxiety and depression issues for as long as I can remember. *I had some nasty learning disabilities in school that triggered this*
I'm not sure if this is the proper place for this post, if it's not kindly direct me in the place to goand sorry for wasting your time.
I am 28 and my s/o is 34. We've been together for quite awhile. We even tried for 2 years to have a child, when all hope seemed lost, and we ran into a rough patch with our finances, and living situation we stopped trying. We weren't taking any precautions though, I know stupid. Regardless, I feel very strongly, that theres a reason that NOW in the midst of everything wrong that I'm pregnant. I believe this child is a gift.
Alot of people in my life are against us about the pregnancy, and it kind of hurts. My own parents had nothing but non nice things to say about me and my s/o and our ability to raise a child. They said congrats but it felt faked as my step mom went into a huge long tangent about how we don't even bring out the best in each other, and how it isn't a good thing. She had tears in her eyes, the whole 9 yards.
My mother has been gone from this earth for a long time, but I feel like she's keeping my baby safe for me until it's born. I feel like she would be estatic, I need her now more then i've needed her before.
My step sisters have been plotting for me to have an abortion. I recieved a long, unforgiving, heartless facebook message about how nobodies supporting me, and how we're not fit to be parents. I was seriously heartbroken over the email, and have not said much to them since.
My brother told me not to expect him to be excited.
I told abunch of my moms side of the family, and they were excited but almost as fast as I told them my step mom was behind me telling everyone about how much of a lowlife I am.
I am to the point where I don't feel comfortable talking to anyone about my pregnancy. *well ok, i spend alot of time in the DDC and the ladies are fantastic, and really supportive of eachother.. but outside of that I mean*
My s/o and I have been through so much... we've been through hell and back. Things that I don't even feel comfortable talking about openly * noone knows any of this either* but through it all it's only brought us closer, and kept the love for eachother strong. Love conquers all, eh??
So what that if one time he was out of a job? so what that I don't bring him over to my parents often? So what that he seems 'slow'? hes just really laidback and shy. So what that we have an old piece of crap car and rent an old house? So what that we have animals? these are some of there reasonings that I can remember of why they're less then impressed.
I no longer live at home, I havent since I was 19. I feel like to them, I need to prove myself but I haven't talked to them much since because I feel like THEY should prove themselves to me.
I was baby shopping earlier today, and my mood dropped when I thought about my ever so loving family. I am thinking of finding a therapist or talk to a dr... my first prenatal appointment isnt until the 12th. I'm worried this will over stress and harm the baby.
not to mention the ever crushing debt fallout i'm dealing with after the aftermath of him not working... thats not helping my stress levels either.
I am even starting to second guess becoming a parent, is everyone right?? can I just not handle it...I have dyspraxia, it's a problem thats been the source of my anixety, depression, self-esteem issues.. i've just learned to live with it since elementry school. Its a motor skill issue that most doctors write off or aren't aware of. I worry about taking care of the baby, or if this baby will have it too..
Regardless of my fears, and everyone elses worry. This baby is a gift, and theres a reason for this. I'm just tired of feeling like it's me, my s/o, my unborn baby against the world.
I don't know, I feel like this should be a situation that someone in highschool would write about, not a 28 year old.
Sorry it was long, thanks for reading... i'm not sure what i'm looking for? but venting sure helped.
Mommy to my little Butterfly Vanyah, born at 34 weeks and 2 days.
2lbs and 14oz on November 19th, 2013 at 2:31am.
Have never been so in love before.
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