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May 25th, 2013, 07:42 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Richlands NC
I came home for the night, and have access to the forum. I am taking my laptop back with tomorrow so I will have access here and can keep up better.
I have to admit I am having a very hard time with things. I had so many issues with having another boy and just when I get used to the idea and start being able to wrap my mind around it, BAM! Here he is. I was not ready by any means. I have major guilt over not bonding before he came at all. I didnt really start getting things together for him either. I was not ready to NOT be pregnant. I was one of those weird ones who wanted to go past the 40 weeks, yet here I sit. I miss my belly, I miss feeling him kick, I miss all of it and seeing pregnant mamas just kills my heart. It is so very hard seeing him in that box with all that crap in him or on him. I hate having to be told when I can touch him or hold him, I hate the alarms that go off and how bad it scares me and how the nurses don't seem to feel like it is a no big deal because it is all routine to them. The issues he has are all normal for being so little, but to me it IS a big deal.
I should be picking clothes to hold a belly, not shirts that stretch enough to fit his tiny body inside the few times I get to hold him. I wanted every second of it and it is gone and I am really unsure how to mesh the not being pregnant anymore, with the daily dealings in the NICU, with the being away from home etc etc etc.
I promise, there won't be any more posts like this one. I spit it out and there it is, and I won't dwell on it anymore. I will do my best to particiapte in the discussions he best I can, but I understand that right now, I don't really fit. At least until everyone else starts welcoming their little ones. I do so enjoy hearing about everyone elses journey so I will be commenting still <3
Korbyn 28 week miracle 5/17/13
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