Feels like I really screwed this up.
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June 25th, 2013, 11:19 AM
Join Date: Jun 2013
Som background on me:
I was married to a man and we tried to get pregnant for three long years. We had one loss, but found that I don't ovulate without a ton of expensive meds. The infertility and my depression took their toll and we ended more than a year ago. I have taken my time and healed emotionally and physically.
Now I've met a very wonderful man, Sean. He is fantastic. He's funny, and smart, and mature, and an excellent father to his one son. He has been divorced about a year, from his wife of 14 years. Since we both are kind of gun shy, we decided to take things VERY slowly. We have been seeing each other for about 2.5 months.
We get along wonderfully. I know I'm in love, he says he's fallen for me. We have absolutely fantastic sex, and we really enjoy each other in a ton of ways. We both are looking at slowly sinking into long term but nothing rushed. We don't want to meet each other's families, or move in together, or anything like that for a good while.
But now. I'm pregnant.
I had never even thought about birth control. I haven't been on it in a decade, and with my infertility, it's never an issue. I charted for three years, and only ovulated ONCE, with a ton of meds. It never even occured to me it could possibly ever happen. And he never asked either.
How unfair that we would have done anything to get this pregnancy when my ex and I were married. How unfair that my ex never got a chance to be a dad, when he was totally healthy and I was the issue. And how freaking unfair that I FINALLY am doing ok, and feeling happy again, knowing I wouldn't have any more, and NOW is when it happens out of the blue!
I have no idea how to tell Sean. He's a good person, and I wanted to do this slow with him, to try for a future. I don't know if he'll even speak to me again. He'll probably think i'm a crazy woman out to trap him into something. (isn't that what you see on tv when a woman gets pregnant by accident??)
I considered terminating. But I can't. This is a miracle for me. The only chance I might ever have. This is obviously meant to be for SOME reason, to happen like this.
Not to mention the fact that I actually do love him and I would love to have his child and share that with him and watch him with our baby.
Mostly this is a vent. A chance to get out my story. But if anyone has any advice, please feel free to tell me!
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