Doing it again
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June 27th, 2013, 06:09 PM
Join Date: Jan 2008
Originally Posted by
im just dreading the exhaustion, and i really want a doula but sam is so apprehensive after our last experience with a doula. i found one i really want to meet with, that is actually a student and will do it for free though, so im hoping if it doesnt cost him any money, he will open up to the idea.
my marriage was in a really rocky state when i had hunter - we almost got divorced when he was 2 months old - and i think i kind of associate all those feelings toward his labor (it was a really emotional experience anyway, not good emotional necessarily) i just dont want to go back to those parts of my brain (our marriage is exponentially better now, im just afraid that labor will bring back those feelings again)
and truthfully, i think im more scared of having 3 kids - and if i keep this one baking, i dont have to face that!
That is a lot to process, and goes much deeper than just fear of labor. I can't say I "understand" because I've not been in your shoes, but your last sentence rings true for me too. I'm a bit nervous of going from 2-3 too, and even more the newborn stage. A part of me is SO excited to snuggle a sweet tiny baby, and then reality hits me and I remember how (frankly) horrible those first few months with DS2 were. He had awful reflux and colic. I had ppd... and the combination was something I hope to never have to face again! Seriously the darkest time of my life! So while I don't fear labor and birth as much now, I can totally relate to the fear of emotional "triggers". I'm just hoping and praying this time will be different.
(okay, I feel like I'm rambling. I hope that made sense)
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