Remembering Our Angels
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July 17th, 2013, 03:05 PM
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Delaware (the state!)
My first loss was my first pregnancy, we decided to start TTC at the end of '07, so I went to the doc and had my pre-conception "counseling" and was told that because I was on BCP, it was best to wait a month after stopping to start TTC. We decided that our TTC start would be in '08, so I stayed on the pill for a couple of more months and then went off of the pill in Dec '07, maybe the end of Nov, I can't recall and we started TTC a little over a month later, we were shocked that it happened right away for us. We told everyone because we were so excited. I started spotting and my doc had me go in for an u/s, I was about 6 weeks by LMP. There was not a hb, but it was measuring so early around 5.5 weeks, they saw a sac. I went in for another u/s a week later, same thing, a sac, but it had grown, so I went another week and a half later, the sac was there but had only grown a couple of days more as compared to the last and still no hb. My doc said that at 8 weeks, they should see something. I had a feeling that it was over, she went through my options and I opted for a D&E since it was clear my body didn't realize that there was not a baby. I had a D&E at 8 weeks, the very next day. There was no sign of anything out of the ordinary when testing came back.
My 2nd loss - DH and I decided to go for our 2nd baby (3rd pregnancy) in 2011. We just started NTNP, but when we finally decided to really start TTC, we got pregnant right away. I was so excited, we both were. I made my appointment almost immediately. I got a really bad stomach bug and the doc wanted me to come in just to check on everything, they knew I had had a previous loss, they were great. They did an u/s right there in the office, everything was great, bean had a hb. I went in for my regular appt, they did a dating u/s then, I was 8w3d, again, healthy looking bean with a strong hb. I went away for work around 11w, while away, I spotted. I didn't panic, because I spotted with DD1 too. When I got home, I called and they had me come in, just for peace of mind. When the tech was doing the u/s, my heart sank, I could see my bean there and could tell there was no movement, no hb. I could also tell that there had been essentially no growth. I met with my doc immediately (baby stopped growing at 8w 6d, just 3 days after my last u/s) and we decided on the D&E again. This time, genetic testing showed that my sweet baby had Turner's Syndrome. I was so glad to have an answer, even though it didn't bring her back, I was glad to know that it was not something that would likely happen again.
I didn't name either of my beans, the first was diagnosed as a blighted ovum, so no sex of the baby. The 2nd had Turner's, so only 1 sex chromosome, so I just always called that baby my girl, since she just had 1 X, no 2nd X or Y. I think about that baby the most, I think because I never saw a baby with my first loss, although I do still think about him/her. I didn't get anything to remember the first by, but I have u/s photos from the 2nd. I still have them and I will always keep them.
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