The Journey of a Lifetime
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July 23rd, 2013, 11:35 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2012
Today, is not a good day. I think every day I just get more depressed about the whole thing. Talking to my SO is like talking to a wall. Every time I bring the subject up he says it'll happen, or we will have kids babe, or just stop thinking about it and it will happen. UGH when he says that I want to punch him and then just start crying. I am so sad about this all the time and idk what to do about it anymore. I am at the point where I am ready to give up. Face the fact I won't have kids with out medical intervention and that's not something we can afford, especially because if it does work 9 months from then life is going to get really expensive. We wanted to do this the natural way, the way my body should be able to make it happen. That way we could save up for the baby and all that. I just don't think its going to happen. I don't think a baby is in the card for us. Usually I feel pretty good right around this time in my cycle but I just can't muster up and shred of hope, it's all gone. I have no body I go to, no one's shoulder to cry on. My BFF Kayla is always busy and she is the only outside of SO and JM that know we are trying. This is the most painful journey I have ever gone through. Why does it have to be this hard. What is wrong. I feel so full of questions with no way to get answers. Part of me wishes I could talk to SO more about it but he is just so nonchalant about it. I am sure he is probably being like that so both of us aren't upset about it but sometimes I just wish he was more upset! It would show me he cared that we aren't conceiving after a year and there is nothing we can do about it. He gets more excited about a car that drives by than me talking about all this.
I just feel so broken, and tired of dragging myself through this situation when I don't have any hope left.
TTC my first! - 29th cycle.
**Thanks Lucy! Love my V-Day Blinkie**
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