Future In-Law :(
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July 26th, 2013, 06:37 AM
Join Date: Jul 2013
So my LMP started on 6/16 and because I am on the pill the next should have started 7/14, by Tuesday I knew I was pregnant. Didn't miss a pill or take them late or anything, but by the third day I knew because I have never been that late while on this birth control in the last six years I've been taking it. I took two pregnancy tests on wednesday night and two more thursday morning and all were positive. I called planned parenthood to see if they could bring me in to verify, and she told me at this time there was no point, that if I took four tests that were all positive, I was pregnant. Oops.
At little about our relationship: I moved to his house last October then my fiance and I got engaged over Christmas and things was been a little rocky lately. Not rocky like we are going to fall apart, but rocky distant because I traveled alot during the spring and have been busy with summer courses to finish my bachelors degree. He has a previous Oops with his ex-wife (they didn't get married until accidentally pregnant) who is now 10 and is a great kid but who has been very troubled recently. The ex-wife (they've been split for 6 to 7 years) is pregnant (seemingly Oops) and right before she announced she ran off and married the long term abusive boyfriend. The son is obviously struggling with this.
Tuesday I told the fiance I was worried, and he came across very unconcerned which upset me. Wednesday night (never before have I even worried I was pregnant) I went by myself and bought pregnancy tests, I took them without telling him and when they came up positive I went into our room are cried. I felt like I had no options, we don't have any money, I have no job and my student health insurance expires at the end of July. He continued talking to our roommate (an army guy and said best friend) and after a bit came and checked on me, asking "What my problem was." Well, then he saw the tests and became very angry. He has accused me multiple times of doing this on purpose which I feel is just a way to drive a wall between us and put me on one side and him on the other. I can't see why I (the one with no children and unsure if I want any) would give up my freedom and hobbies to do this on purpose. The first night all I could think about was when I would get it terminated. Then he went outside with the roommate and drank heavily only coming to bed much later and reeking of alcohol.
The next day, we talked and he told me he wanted to talk to his mother about the situation. I didn't like bringing more people into what I believe is a private problem, but I wanted him to have the support he needs if he feels like I can't give it to him. So, in light of the knowledge that his mom is sure to be told soon, I called and told my mother and got an overwhelming positive response. So much so that me having to tell her that we were talking about abortion made me feel awful. I also told my best friend at this point. I also confessed my fears that the fiance's mother who was very pro-life was going to be very mean and angry.
I guess I will try and hurry the telling here. At the urging of my fiance I thought more and more and the baby and how this is all a huge decision and "not just a pimple" to get rid of. By Friday he has decided that abortion is the way we must go even though he has told me in the past he would never support abortion. At this point I am now confused and lost and don't know what I want. Finally after much soul searching I decide that abortion just isn't something I can do. We are in our mid-twenties and I feel like if he wanted to we could make this work. Just because this pregnancy, this blessing, is inconvenient and ill-timed and unplanned does not seem like a good enough reason to abort it. He became raging mad. Yelling, stomping, throwing things and we fought for hours. He has never showed a temper like this. Well, it ended in me crying and giving up. I told him I would just do whatever he wants (these words came from him saying that I was treating this like it was only my choice and he had no say). I now feel lower than the scum on the bottom of the barrel, I can not stand up for myself or our child. He says he doesn't regret having his son (unplanned) but now wants to get rid of ours? I know that I will hate myself, him and his son forever. I know that our relationship will not make it past this abortion. I just cry alot now.
The future in-law. If this whole situation was not hard enough on its own, enter the horrible awful selfish mother-in-law. She (pro-choice) is upset that this is happening to her son again, after everything he has done to prevent it (hello, he didn't get snipped or use double protection, or even help pay for my birth control, in fact I am pretty sure he hasn't done **** to prevent a baby). she laments his dreams and life that will be lost if we have this baby. She told be that their family would not be able to stand by if I chose adoption (which I have thought about but really don't think I can go through with) and that I should have an abortion (even though when she became accidentally pregnant she chose to give birth which is where my fiance came from). She also has said that me getting an abortion so that we can continue to follow our dreams isn't selfish. I feel like this is the most selfish reason of all time, other than maybe having an abortion because of not wanting to get fat or something. I can empathize better with someone terminating because they can not provide a good quality of life for the baby (which is how the fiance feels) but at the same time I feel like even a poor (money wise) quality of life is better than no life. And if that is really the case than should adoption be out of the question?
Last night, I saw a text on his phone from his mother (only looking at his phone because he asked me to see who texted and it had been his mother). The fiance and I had some small recognition come our way from a hobby with both participate in and his mother texted to say "It's a reminder to get this taken care of so you can BOTH continue with you dreams." I want to punch her in the face and never speak to her again. She presents herself as this devout Christian and then she can say stuff like that? What is WRONG with this woman?! I will never understand.
I know more than anything I am mad at him and her is just a bi-product. But ironically, planned parenthood told him yesterday that he cannot make an appointment for termination, that I have too. He isn't aware that I know this yet, but I can not see myself making this appointment. I may not want a baby, I may have never been sure if I ever wanted children, but I know that now this blessing is here, I can not turn my back on it. I can not see the heartbeat and just go through with killing it. At the same time, I have no idea how to do this on my own.
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