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July 28th, 2013, 06:28 AM
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plastikmom plastikmom is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: South carolina
Posts: 878
Hey everyone! It has been so long since I have checked in! I hope everyone and their sweet babies are doing well. Just wanted to update on me and baby T. All is well but we had a rough few months and I thought it might be best to take a little break from JM. I definitely had some postpartum mood issues, I don't like the term depression because I wasn't sad but I think my hormones went a little haywire. I am always a bit of a worrier, but my anxiety went into overdrive. I worried about EVERYTHING! And I'm talking illogical worry about things like dropping the baby or leaving him in the car. Every bad story I have ever heard about a child getting hurt or killed caused me to obsess about how that could happen to me. On top of this, I stressed about my body, breastfeeding and if baby T was hitting his milestones. So when I would come on JM and hear about everyone losing weight and their babies smiling and cooing when I was as fat as ever and T was still giving me the blank stare, it really added to my worries that something was wrong. I know you should not compare yourself to others, but sometimes its a challenge not to and I just felt like I was failing. Also, DH and I have always has a strong relationship and he is a wonderful dad to our 7 year old. (He came into over lives when he was 2, so he missed the baby stage). I was SO super excited to see DH as a daddy to his own sweet little baby and I knew he was just going to be the perfect dad. Well it turns out that DH isn't much of a fan of the baby stage. He has no patience when T cries and he can't fix it and he feels like baby prefers me bc I am breastfeeding. He loves T but he definitely wasn't sharing my baby bliss and wasn't living up to my expectations. Add in all my anxiety and lack of sleep and that led to arguing. Like never before. I felt like everything was falling apart. And rather than talk to a friend or to you ladies, I felt the need to pretend like everything was as perfect as I thought it should be. I also felt very isolated bc of breastfeeding. I was not comfortable doing it in public and I felt trapped in the house to feed every two hours.
Fast forward 3 months: I still have anxiety but its much better. I went to my OB to discuss my issues with her and she gave me a script for Lexapro. I never filled it, but somehow knowing I could if I needed to made me feel better. She also made me feel very normal and reassured me that eventually I would get back to my normal self (physically and mentally). I have struggled with eating issues and body image issues all my life and have been a size zero and a size 16 depending on if I am starving or binging. (right now I'm somewhere in the middle) I tried to eat much less but it has really effected my milk supply. Without dieting, I am VERY slowing losing weight bc of breastfeeding and I am trying to be patient with that. I am still very jealous of those people who are genetically blessed to drop weight without a struggle! I went to a LLL meeting and met some nice people who have helped me to get more comfortable with NIP so I don't feel so trapped in the house and it helps that T goes longer between feedings now. I have NIP at a baseball game and many restaurants, so I consider that a success! And T is smiling and cooing!! YAY!! Definitely took him longer, but he is making up for lost time and is super happy!! I was so worried that something was wrong with him (due to my crazy anxiety). I feel so much calmer now. Everytime I see his sweet smile it melts my heart and I feel silly that I was so worried about it. DH and I are better. We have talked about our expectations and the struggles of being new parents and have talked with my parents who have been married for 40 years and they are helping us along. We love each other very much and I know we will be fine, but its a work in progress.
Whew. Thanks so reading, it know its a long update. Life is busy but now that I am feeling more like myself I'm sure I will be checking in more often! Can't wait to see how everyone's little ones are doing!
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